02/08/2021
A VITAL REAL LIFE LESSON: DEALING WITH SETBACKS – WHAT SEPARATES THE WINNERS FROM THE “ALSO RANS”?
Over the years I have been fortunate to learn some vital real life lessons from wise people. Either in person, or from what they wrote or said publicly.
People like the legendary lawyer, Michael Katz. Early in my legal career he taught me that legal work produced by lawyers is only worthwhile if is it is both legal-technically correct and on time. The one without the other is meaningless. It is a lesson that I do my best to apply to each of my matters.
Or a person like that intellectual giant, Professor Derek van der Merwe, of RAU and later UJ fame. Early in my adult life he taught me that one does not have to climb over bodies in order to get ahead. I have lived out, and still live out, that lesson ever since.
Or the then president of the law Society of England and Wales who presided over our admissions as solicitors of England and Wales. “When things go wrong, as they inevitably will sometimes, remember that a problem shared is a problem halved” he said. So simple. But also so very true.
Walter Lord and other authors on the sinking of the Titanic have taught me the danger of becoming arrogant about one’s knowledge of law and the practice thereof.
The owners of the Titanic claimed that the ship was “virtually unsinkable”.
Some members of the media turned that into a statement that the Titanic was unsinkable.
One crew member went one step further and arrogantly claimed that “Not even God himself can sink this ship”.
Well, Titanic sank on her very first voyage. With massive loss of life.
For years I had a large picture of the Titanic in my office. To remind me every day that none of us ever know everything we should know about the law and the practice thereof, and that we should not arrogantly assume that we do.
(That picture of the Titanic now hangs in the office of an up-and-coming young lawyer who I mentor.)
But the best real life lesson that I have learnt did not come from a prominent lawyer, a university professor or a learned author.
It came from a rugby player called JP Nel. JP played at centre, initially for Western Province but then mostly for the Bulls and the Blue Bulls. He was a naturally gifted but also fiercely competitive player. He was as lethal in attack as he was in defence.
He was often earmarked for selection as a Springbok but would somehow suffer a serious injury just about every time before the Springbok squad was announced, rendering him ineligible for selection.
When interviewed about his frustrating series of injuries and how he felt about it, JP had the following to say: “What matters is not how hard you fall. What matters is how quickly you get up again.”
To my mind that statement is profound. It hurts if you fall. It will take time for the injuries to heal. You have to work hard, and believe, in order to rehabilitate mind and body to be able to compete at your best again.
We all fall at some stage of our lives. Sometimes we fall quite often. Sometimes we fall hard. But we all fall at some stage.
What separates the winners from the “also rans” is how the winners deal with it.
Winners also hurt when they fall. Winners also mourn when they suffer personal loss. Winners do not get up straight away and pretend nothing has happened.
But they choose to get back up again. They know it will take time, effort, self-belief and perseverance to do so. They take a deliberate decision to do that and, just as importantly, they then see it through.
If we do not do that, we will probably, and sadly, end up as “also rans” who packed in it after having taken one very heavy knock.
Respect to you Mr. JP Nel!
Ex-US Navy Seal Admiral William H McRaven holds a very similar position to that of JP Nel.
(Admiral McRaven gave the Commencement Speech at the University of Texas in 2014. The speech is available on YouTube. It is truly inspirational. It is also not very long. It is a very worthwhile watch though.)
Admiral McRaven’s relevant point is that life is not fair. It will never be entirely, consistently fair all of the time. That is a reality we sadly have to accept. When life treats us unfairly, we have two choices: Get over it and get on with life again. Or rebel against the unfairness, lose hope and stop going forward at all.
Of course we get angry if life or people treat us unfairly.
Of course it hurts emotionally if we fall in life.
It is perfectly normal to become angry, upset, sad and perhaps even self-doubting when we fall in life.
However, if we want to be winners in life, once we have worked through those emotions and started healing, we have to consciously choose to get up again. And then make sure that we actually do get up again.
I really hope that you do not fall.
But if you happen to fall, I wish you the strength to decide to get up and again and then to actually get up again.
Francois Terblanche
Impumelelo Legal Training
PS. This piece is dedicated to a friend whom I have known since we were teenagers.
She has fallen very hard in life. A couple of times. Life certainly has not always been fair to her.
But every single time, after she had healed emotionally, she got up again.
Today she is a proud and happy mother and a very successful businesswoman.
She will always be a winner.
Respect.
