14/10/2026
Divorce changes a family. Children shouldn’t have to carry the conflict.
When parents are in dispute, it can be tempting to ask a child to pass on a message, choose sides, report on the other household or listen to criticism of a parent. Even when it seems like a small request, it can leave a child feeling caught in the middle.
A few reminders for co-parents:
• Speak to each other directly, or use a lawyer or mediator if communication is difficult.
• Keep adult disagreements and legal matters away from your child.
• Don’t use contact as a reward or punishment. Follow the parenting plan or court order, and get legal advice if you have a genuine safety concern.
• Let your child share their views without making them responsible for deciding between their parents.
In South Africa, a child’s best interests must be the central consideration in matters affecting them. The Children’s Act also recognises a child’s right to participate in decisions, where they are old enough and mature enough. Being heard should never mean being pressured to choose.
A clear parenting plan can set out care, contact, communication and decision-making arrangements, and help reduce conflict over time.
Your child doesn’t need you to agree on everything. They need to know they can love both parents without guilt or pressure.
If co-parenting conflict is affecting your child, contact Bill Tolken Hendrikse Inc Family Law, Stellenbosch for guidance.
📞 021 002 5371
📍 Stellenbosch. Ground Floor,
Brandwacht Office Park, Muscadel House,
Trumali St, Paradyskloof
Stellenbosch, 7600
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