10/01/2026
Well said by Rachel Sklar..
If you're tracking the Cornell Seven news and curious about my take, here's where my concern lies for my boys and for all of my clients' boys:
How do we teach them to do what's right when it could cost them their feeling of belonging?
Teaching them what's right and teaching them to speak up for what's right are two very different things. And I find the latter to be a lot harder.
It's natural for boys to want to protect their place in the pecking order. Belonging is a primal need. And often, they're navigating complicated social dynamics without even being consciously aware of them.
Understanding that drive doesn't excuse anyone's harmful behavior. But for parents who are looking at this story and wondering how to ensure their sons do better, it's helpful to recognize the power of belonging and prepare our boys for it.
Of course we need to talk to our sons about consent, respect, empathy, s*x, alcohol, po*******hy, and how they treat women.
But we also need to help them stay connected to their values when the pull of the group conflicts with those values.
In my mind, we have to have THAT conversation.
And if your son shuts down when you try to have conversations like this, use the news as your launching point. Don't make the conversation about him. Think aloud about what's happening with other boys and why.
It's what I call a "meta conversation." It's where we stop telling them what's right (for now) and zoom out to look at the bigger picture together.
We unpack social dynamics with them and get curious about what it feels like to belong...and what it feels like to risk that feeling. I want us to help them think critically about how and where people seek belonging, and ultimately, how they will navigate those challenges.
Knowing what's right is one skill.
Being willing to risk their own belonging to stand up for what's right is another.
