03/03/2021
A few years ago, there was a shift in the types of divorces that were being filed. Traditionally, divorces were filed due to the couple being too young when they got married, or because of adultery or (as seen unfortunately too often in Western, MA) addiction. However, there was a surge in divorces being filed by couples that had been together for twenty plus years. This new cause for divorce… “we forgot how to be married.”
This may sound absurd to some people… how do you forget how to be married? It all comes down to titles. Throughout a person’s life they are defined by different titles. You are a baby, a toddler, a child, a pr***en, a teenager, a young adult, an adult, a fiancée, a husband/wife, then mother/father. Maybe you are also defined by your job. I am a lawyer. That is a title that I worked hard for.
However, each time you are given a new title, you lose the old one. For example, when a baby becomes a toddler, they are no longer seen as a baby. They are now this growing, adventurous, possibly terrible toddler. The same thing can happen when a husband/wife becomes a mother/father. The focus turns on being a parent and, too often the parties forget that they are husband and wife. You may have heard someone say that they did not know what to do with themselves, the first time their child(ren) was gone for a night. Their partner seemed like a stranger to them. Thus, the surge in divorces of twenty plus year marriages.
The empty nest syndrome is a reality for many couples. Once the child(ren) leaves the home, the couple is left wondering who they are and who is this person that is standing besides them? Many couples are able to overcome the empty nest syndrome and reconnect with their spouse. Others are not able too and decide to go their separate ways.
Whatever, the decision is, each party has a new specific question to answer… “Who am I?” It is important not to let titles dictate a person’s life, as titles come and go. It is more important to focus on your core values, what makes you, you. To conclude, I will turn the question to you… “Who are you?”
