06/17/2018
Partner Spencer Siebers recently met with seniors at Salt Lake County Seniors’ Centers to discuss Utah’s Advance Health Care Directive form and instructions. This is the form people of any age fill out to ensure their wishes regarding end-of-life care and decision-making is carried out in the event they become incapacitated and cannot communicate those wishes directly. There are two key parts to the directive. One part, the one that most people think of when putting together their directive, is the instructions themselves. But the other part, choosing the agent whose task it will be to actually carry out those instructions, is equally important.
One thing that has come up over and over again during Spencer's sessions at the seniors’ centers is that the attendees are almost exclusively women whose husbands have predeceased them. These women felt confident making decisions for their husband's end-of-life care because they had discussed those circumstances many times and understood their wishes. But now, with their spouse gone, who would be in a position to make those decisions for them?
While end-of-life care and determinations are often freely discussed between spouses, these discussions are much less frequent with children, friends and doctors. But, obviously, they need to happen. In choosing an agent to make these decisions, there are some key points to consider.
First, your agent has to know what you want. The best way for your agent to know your wishes is for you to tell him or her. If your child isn’t comfortable talking about end-of-life decisions (“oh Mom, you’re healthy, let’s talk about something else”), then he or she will not know what to do as your agent.
Second, your agent needs to comply with your wishes, not his or her wishes. If you’ve had these discussions with a child or children and they vehemently disagree with your wishes (“Mom, I don’t care what you say, we’re going to do everything possible to keep you around forever’), then how likely are they to carry out your wishes as agent?
Third, your agent needs to speak up for you. Family dynamics come in all shapes and sizes. When the family gathers around the hospital bed, will your chosen agent be ready, willing and able to assert his or her authority – even over objections other family members? This is not a “vote;" you have empowered an agent and it is their decision.
So choose your agent wisely, but do choose. Think through your selection, but don’t put off having your Advance Directive in place. Peace of mind will follow.