07/22/2026
Shoshana Rubli was shocked by her therapist’s advice. But she did as she was told—she cut off all ties with her mother.
Is it really good therapy to break your mother’s heart?
After decades of urging families to communicate better and work on their issues together, some therapists are now taking an opposite tack: They’re encouraging estrangement as a means of self-care.
Most therapists agree that sometimes people are justified in breaking ties with their parents or a close relative, especially if they were physically or emotionally abusive.
What’s changing now is the bar for what is deemed abusive enough for a cutoff. “We are in a culture where we emphasize fragility, everything becomes trauma, and the solution increasingly is to split and leave,” says William Doherty, a therapist and professor emeritus of family social science at the University of Minnesota.
“But it should be the tragic exception that you cut off a parent or loved one, not business as usual in therapy.”
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