08/06/2026
Special interest Article
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
www.IAFEI.com
Published by Anthony Iantosca, BCFE
For the International Academy of Forensic Examiners and Investigators.
Behavioral Profiling
Insecure Personality Types
Both men and women can be and are insecure. Many of their behavior patterns and core issues are the same. Men can use different tactics to overcompensate for their insecurity and can confuse you. If you pay very close attention to their leakage the behavior patterns are the same. Attachment styles play a very important role in the way their insecurity will be expressed. There are four attachment styles that were developed in childhood and carried over into adulthood.
They are:
Secure, Anxious Preoccupied, Avoidant, Fearful. The Avoidant is the most difficult to understand. Anxious Preoccupied, Avoidant, Fearful are insecure personality types.
Secure attachment are people who are comfortable in close relationships. The have good self esteem and are able to express their emotions with each other in an open unfearful way. There is trust, open communication, and a true expression of their emotions with each other. They are not needy or clingy types.
A positive model of self: feeling worthy of love and care.
A positive model of others: trusting that people are generally reliable and supportive.
They are Comfortable with both intimacy and independence, allowing them to form close relationships without fear of abandonment.
Anxious Preoccupied can be the most expressive in their behavior when they feel real or imagined that they are going to be abandoned. They become emotionally unhinged. They become needy, clingy, smothering and very demanding. The more space you need the more they will invade it. They will cause the very abandonment they are trying to avoid and fear the most.
The Avoidant type can come across as independent, confident, needing and wanting their space and autonomy. This is true to a point but the hidden reason for this behavior is they feel that when you get very close to me, you will see things that you will not like about me and you will abandon me. To avoid this painful experience the Avoidant keeps you at arms length. If you are not close to me you can't hurt me nor see things about me you may not like. Avoidant types are very difficult to understand and detect.
The Fearful wants a loving relationship but does not believe in it. They always feel the other shoe will drop on them at some point. So they are Fearful of close relationships or when things start to become emotionally close. As a profiler I use many different diagnostic tools to profile a personality. The main diagnostic tool is behavior patterns consistent over an extended period of time and understanding these behavior patterns and what they mean, for good , bad or indifferent. Handwriting Analysis based on American Trait Theory when available will confirm the profile. Below is a partial list of behavior patterns.
There are different kinds of men and women. Some are confident in themselves, and others are the complete opposite and totally insecure.
Information is knowledge and with knowledge comes power.
It's important you understand the signs of insecure personality type. This will help you figure out whether you want to continue seeing this person.
We are all insecure to a degree and seeing a couple signals of insecurity isn't enough evidence to throw in the towel.
If you think you are going to find a someone with zero insecurities, you are barking up the wrong tree. Mild insecurity is manageable. However, too much insecurity is a recipe for disaster.
Beware of that toxic personality who is loaded with insecure moments.
Signs Of Insecure Personalities
#1 Defensive
One of the in-your-face telltale signs of an insecure personality is taking everything as a criticism, so he/she lashes out at you defensively. Often, you don't do a thing and he/she figures out a way to react.
This type of personality naturally reads way too much into things and makes a mountain out of a molehill.
#2 Control Freaks (Type Two 2)
There are two types of Control Freaks. Type one controls themselves. Type two attempts to control you. I am talking about the type two Control Freak.
In a balanced and healthy relationship, both the guy and the gal never lose their independent identity. When a person is insecure, he/she will feel threatened if you find any happiness outside your relationship life. Even when you are just hanging out with your friends, he/she's going to get upset or uncomfortable.
Often, he/she is going to try to interfere and guilt you into canceling your plans. Talk about a serious danger signal.
This personality wants to be the only thing in your life, and he/she will do whatever it takes to make sure that becomes your reality. He/she will lie, manipulate, and get bossy to keep you under their wing.
Always asking you where you were and questioning you about the details?
You might not notice this at first, but it will start sn*******ng, and you need to get out before you get trapped in a cycle of demeaning negativity.
#3 Jealousy/Envy
Jealousy and Envy are kissing cousins but are not the same. Jealousy is the great insecurity, it is wanting own and possess another person. When Jealousy reaches a dangerous level such as Morbid Jealousy. People on the receiving end of this dangerous behavior pattern have been hurt and killed. Statements such as "If I can't have you nobody will." Should never be taken lightly. A little innocent jealousy in a relationship is to be expected. After all, hopefully, you care deeply about one another and this insecurity can be talked through.
On the flip side, an overdose of jealousy is a solid signal pointing toward insecurity. Does his/her jealousy flare up when you are innocently talking with a pretty woman or handsome guy?
If you look at a girl/guy, does he/she get nasty and start giving it to you? Often, insecure personalities play the victim and try to get the guy to feel bad.
This type of personality is worried about being traded in for a new model because he/she has low self-esteem and doesn't deem themselves worthy of you, although he/she will never admit that to your face.
His/hers tools to keep you in line include manipulation, jealousy, and playing the control card. He/she will have no trouble searching through your phone without your permission or hacking into your computer to read your emails.
#4 Belittler
Insecure people love to belittle and bully others. All they doing is trying to make themselves feel better about who he/she is, but it's really a means to an end.
This tactic is a subconscious attack on your self-worth. He/she wants to take you down with them, so you feel bad too. So nasty, but sadly, it's true.
Deep down, he/she really doesn't know why you want him/her, and the only way he/she thinks they can keep you is to break you down, so you don't have the confidence to stand on your own two feet.
#5 Needy Reinforcement And Validation
Insecure personalities just aren't comfortable in their own skin, and although he/she likes to belittle the crap out of you, he/she also needs your approval and support. He/she needs you to feel bad, so they can feel better about themselves.
Judging others creates their self-worth because he/she has no internal belief in who he/she is or the values he/she possesses.
Insecure people need a constant supply of flattery, which makes him/her clingy. It doesn't take long for this type of personality to drain you mentally and emotionally.
This personality is going to brag before it feels fabulous, and it pushes people to give him/her more attention. He/she is an attention seeker.
#6 Casting The Spell Of Insecurity And Guilty Shame
Insecure personalities like to make their partners feel guilty about doing things outside the relationship. Has he/she ever made you feel bad about hanging out with your family or friends or even going to the gym without him/her?
Insecure people have a habit of trying to make other people insecure too. These personalities never look for acceptance outside the relationship, and they don't understand why their partner would even try.
He/she's going to do their best to break you from your family and friends because they want you all to themselves. This personality will go so far as to make you choose between her and your family.
This narcissistic behavior is only easily seen if you are looking for it. If you've got a secure partner, he/she will understand and be happy, not needing all your attention.
#7 Grudge Galore
An insecure personality will do their best to hold a grudge forever. Why? Well, he/she doesn't think he/she deserves your love, so they will keep the grudge as collateral.
This will change your behavior and make you feel like you're walking on broken glass continuously. You know the tiniest thing will set him/her off. This type of personality just doesn't know how to forgive because he/she has no idea how to love unconditionally.
#8 Overreact King/Queen
Typically, this type of insecure personality will try to make you feel like an idiot and guilty and hold a rock-solid grudge. These things happen slowly, and everything is always blown way out of proportion.
This trait helps lift him/her and shove your face in the dirt. Need I remind you he/she finds no value in themselves, and that's why he/she's got to use you for validation.
#9 The Blame Game
No matter what, he/she will never acknowledge their flaws or weaknesses and will continue to blame everything on someone else. Pointing the finger is an automatic with a seriously insecure personality type.
Deep inside, he/she knows their flaws, but he/she doesn't have the confidence to admit them to you or anyone else.
Someone is always going after him/her and setting them up to fail. He/she is frustrated they can't move forward in life because he/she's unable to take responsibility for their own actions. This personality has no idea how to learn from their mistakes.
#10 No Honesty Talk Ever
In time, a relationship will show you your flaws that need to be addressed. Conflict arises in time with any relationship. An insecure personality won't open themselves up to serious discussions about your relationship because he/she can't see their flaws; they refuses to.
Newsflash! If you want a healthy relationship, you will have to have open heart to heart conversations from time to time. This may be difficult, but it's got to happen if you want your union to grow.
If you want a successful relationship, you've got to see the flaws in each other and take responsibility for them.
Insecure personalities won't look at their weaknesses, and constructive criticism just doesn't float her boat. Bottom line It's impossible to have an open and meaningful conversation about the serious side of your relationship with a messed up, insecure personality type.
#11 Welcomes Failure
Insecure people take pleasure watching other people fail because they consider themselves failures too.
If your boyfriend/girlfriend won't support your dreams and tries to tell you that you're wrong and you need to set different goals, he/she's is insecure and you don't need that negativity in your relationship.
Insecure people are negative, and they love misery. Watch yourself or he/she will steal your happiness too.
#12 This Personality Type Needs You To Want And Need Them
It's nice to feel needed, and it's nice to hear someone say they can't live without you. In most relationships, this doesn't go past the surface. It's just a sweet figure of speech.
If you are secure, you know you don't need another person to be happy. In a healthy relationship, people stay together by choice. You should stay with your partner because you want to, not because you feel you have to.
If your partner needs you to want him/her, he/she's not the partner you need in your life.
This kind of personality wants you to feel so crappy and weak that you will stay with him/her forever. He/she thinks, if you don't feel you need him/her, then you will run. Security and confidence are a threat to an insecure personality type.
No doubt, this explains why he/she likes to demand you, control you, manipulate you, and tell you what to do.
#13 They Drop Their Life To Be The One And Only In Your Life
It's clear insecure personalities hate themselves; that's why they want to jump right into your life for validation.
In a healthy relationship, you have happy independence from your partner, but you also have that part of your life that you merge. It's the shared space in your relationship that is important.
Insecure personalities don't have that separate space with his/her own stuff, so he/she has to dive into yours. Almost immediately, your relationship with him/her will become the priority in his/her life. They won't care about his/her friends or hobbies because you will come first.
You might not notice this until after the fact. As you start spending more time together, see how much he/she is throwing away their personal life to make sure he/she is always with you.
