Richard Goldstein, Attorney

09/26/2025

I lived and practiced law in Southeast Missouri for ,a long time and come back to see friends in Cape Girardeau every so often.

05/01/2025

Do you think people can change? Are we simply a result of genetics and early childhood experiences that make it difficult for us to change after we become adults? Difficult, but not impossible. We all know people, for example, who "completely turned their life around". Therapy, counseling, and drugs are common methods that alter behavior, hopefully for the better.
So, we may agree that people do change and we ourselves have changed a lot during our lives. But, the question "can people change" is still not simple to answer. We still use the expression "he/she will never change". Or, "Once a..... always a...."
What does the word "change" mean? And how do we know someone did it?
Although not always easy, you can change the way you think and how you feel. Nobody can force you to feel a certain way... it is under your control.
In addition, you have control over what you say, and what you do. You can "think before you act" or "keep your mouth zipped" if you choose to do so.
One way to understand the question "can people change" is to say that if they choose to say and do things differently in a given situation, they are changing their public behavior, which is all we really know about that person. We don't see inside to know what they are thinking or feeling, But they can change the way they live and relate to others. The ability to change and control what we say and do is not the only thing that matters, but it matters a lot to the people around us, because that's how they see and judge us.
So, people do change, but maybe the more important question is: What causes or motivates people to change? That's a subject for another post.

04/30/2025

This was taken at the Legal Aid office where I used to work. They were honoring lawyers that did "pro bono" work. For example, I give telephone advice to people about family law under a Legal Aid program called ATLAS. I still do that, and provide other free legal assistance, because it is part of every lawyer's responsibility, and, I enjoy doing it.

09/19/2022

I sometimes tell people that when they get upset or angry with someone, it's best to just get a good night's sleep and probably feel better in the morning. It's not a good idea to try to fight or suppress how you feel, but you can manage how, if and when you express your feelings to others.
We are all human, and getting a good night's sleep seems to be a natural antidote for wanting to bite someone's head off.

09/16/2022

When someone says "Can I ask you a legal question?", I usually say, "Sure, the answer is 'it depends'. Now, what's your question?"
But recently, I started to add: "...and, 'it's complicated'".
I think those 2 are equally applicable to many issues that we talk....and argue...about. Sometimes it's fun to have simple answers to complicated questions. That's great, as long as you know...it's complicated.

06/02/2022

Insight into the emotional precursors to a divorce or separation may be important in dealing with child custody and visitation.
As a family lawyer, I try to keep in mind that my client and the other parent aren't one-dimensional. Clients have a past, present and future that are equally important to consider and discuss with them.

The five most common reasons why a partner withdraws.

04/14/2022

Link to the West Virginia law on custody and shared-parenting, and decisionmaking orders.
http://www.wvlegislature.gov/wvcode/chapterentire.cfm?chap=48&art=9§ion=205 #:~:text=Permanent%20parenting%20plan.&text=(8)%20A%20description%20of%20the,plan%20submitted%20in%20the%20case.

04/14/2022

Important facts about "custody".
First, most people don't understand what "full custody" means. Mainly, it refers to the shared-parenting schedule and means the parent who has the child for the majority of the time. This can be anything from 183-364 days/year. The "non-custodial" parent could have only 5 hours/week, all the way up to 182 days/year (50-50). It is the schedule, not the word "custody" that matters most.
Second, there are three things that should be considered in a custody case:
(a) The amount of time (schedule) the child is with each parent;
(b) How important decisions will be handled (usually "shared")
(c) The conditions that are required or imposed on one or both parents. This part of the order may be far more important in a custody dispute than (a).
Third, West Virginia Law covers many aspects of custody and shared-parenting (visitation) and other matters that a Judge must take into consideration. I will post this next.
I will also discuss each one of these in a separate post.

02/26/2022

"Relationship words", like friends, lovers, partners, parents, etc. are necessary and helpful, in many cases. But they can also get in the way of discovering an important truth about relationships: that words, actions, emotions and thoughts are more important than labels.

01/15/2022

I'm convinced that the key to a healthy relationship is productive communication. So I was interested in what this Psychology Today article had to say about the 10 most common reasons for "relationship failure". How many of them involve poor communication?

"Ten Signs That Emotional Neglect is Silently Undermining Your Relationship"
1. You and your partner misread each other’s true feelings, actions, thoughts, or intentions very often.
2. As a couple, you avoid bringing up difficult things so as not to upset the other.
3. You haven’t figured out how to argue productively.
4. Your conversations are mostly focused on facts, events, or logistics.
5. Your spouse is not the first person you want to tell when something great happens or a problem comes up.
6. If you seek comfort from your spouse they often say the wrong thing.
7. You don’t feel like you’re a team taking on life together.
8. You often feel alone when you’re with your partner.
9. It can be difficult to find something to talk about together.
10. Positive emotions like love, warmth, or emotional bonding feel awkward or only happen during s*x.

01/05/2022

Checklist for unhealthy relationships:
(Mostly) being miserable.
Unpredictable behavior: nothing works
Selfish: controlling, manipulative pattern of coercion. and control by fear.
Isolation from family and friends:
Promises to change,
Disrespect, unable or unwilling to see the partner
as a separate person.
Double standards
Jealous; possessive; intrusive.
Repetitive pattern of verbal and physical abuse; escalation of control tactics; explosion; remorse; repeat.

See: Ann Jones and Susan Schechter, "When Love Goes Wrong"