03/02/2022
๐๐ก๐จ๐จ๐ฌ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ฅ๐ญ๐ก๐๐๐ซ๐ ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ฑ๐ฒ - ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐ฌ๐ค ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐๐ ๐จ๐ง๐๐ฌ โ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐.
Ask yourself a question โ if tragedy struck tomorrow and you found yourself in the hospital facing a decision between varying treatments and levels of care, some meant to prolong life and others to just provide comfort, do you know which treatments you would prefer?
If the answer to that question is no, itโs time to sit down and give it some serious thought. Thinking about these things can be extremely difficult, but at the hospital is never the time to start.
๐๐๐ญ ๐ง๐จ๐ฐ, ๐๐ฏ๐จ๐ข๐ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐๐ฅ๐๐ฆ๐ฌ ๐ฅ๐๐ญ๐๐ซ.
OK, so youโve given it some thought and you have a good idea of what treatments you would and wouldnโt prefer in the event you were facing a serious medical diagnosis. Great! Now for an even more important question โ what happens when youโre in the hospital with such a diagnosis, but due to the severity of your condition youโre not able to speak for yourself?
Unfortunately this situation is all too common. As Forbes reports, over half of those age 65 and older that end up in a hospital are unable to speak for themselves. In the event this occurs, your family and loved ones will be left in the awful situation of having to determine what your wishes are. Worse yet, if there is a dispute your family will be stuck trying figure out who amongst them most accurately knows how you would want to be treated.
This is not a situation you want to put your family in. Many loved ones thrusted into the position of decision maker will err on the side of prolonging life if there is even a hint of doubt as to what the hospitalized personโs wishes are. Furthermore, deciding on treatments can be a complex and difficult process, requiring someone capable of speaking frankly with doctors and making a decision based on logic โ not the easiest task when they hold the life of their loved one in their hands.
Luckily this can all be avoided with some proper preparation. In the state of New Jersey, a person can choose a healthcare proxy, or representative, who will be tasked with making decisions on their medical treatment in the event they are incapacitated at the time they are hospitalized. In addition to choosing a healthcare proxy itโs advisable to create a living will, which will lay out your desires regarding medical treatments in further detail and provide a guide for your proxy to follow if they ever need to.
Problem solved, right? Not so fast. Choosing a healthcare proxy isnโt something that should be quickly handed off to your closest relative without further thought. Being someoneโs healthcare representative is a tremendous responsibility, and itโs vital that the person you choose is willing, able and available to make these decisions should the need ever arise. With that in mind, letโs take some time to discuss some important questions to ask both yourself and your proxy prior to designating someone in your official advanced healthcare directive.
๐. ๐๐ก๐จ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐ก๐๐๐ฅ๐ญ๐ก๐๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ฑ๐ฒ?
This is a simple question that lacks a simple answer. When thinking about who to choose as your proxy, the most important thing to keep in mind is that this question is about your life, and your desires โ not those of your loved ones.
Yes, of course it is important to choose a proxy now to ensure that your loved ones arenโt put into the awful situation described above where they are forced to make decisions on your healthcare without guidance from you. However, families are complicated and if youโve decided that there might be some situations where you do not wish treatment, youโll need someone strong enough to pursue your wishes โ even in the face of opposing family members. So this question begs another:
๐. ๐๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฌ๐ข๐ซ๐๐ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ฑ๐ฒ ๐ก๐๐ฏ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐จ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฐ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฌ๐ก๐๐ฌ, ๐๐ฏ๐๐ง ๐ข๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฒ (๐จ๐ซ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ซ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐๐ ๐จ๐ง๐๐ฌ) ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐๐ ๐ซ๐๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฆ?
This is a vital question to ask, and the answer must be a resounding yes. The last thing you want to do is choose a proxy that will either make decisions based on their own feelings, or worse yet, fold to the pressure of others. As you can guess, this person is not always easy to find.
So how do you know if youโve made the right choice? Well, we canโt ever be positive, after all the trauma of seeing a loved one in the hospital can change a personโs resolve quickly. However, there is as simple way to get a feel for your chosen proxyโs ability to follow your wishes: talk to them.
Once you have sat down and created a living will that lays out your desires regarding medical treatments and end-of-life decisions, sit down with your desired proxy and go over the details with them. Ask them their thoughts on the living will, and then ask them whether they would be comfortable following your wishes โ even if they do not align with their own views.
If this person is not comfortable with your wishes but you believe they will follow them regardless, then perhaps they are still a good choice. If after speaking you donโt believe they are the right person for this responsibility, thank them for spending the time to discuss your wishes and move on to your next choice.
๐. ๐๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ฑ๐ฒ ๐๐ ๐๐ฏ๐๐ข๐ฅ๐๐๐ฅ๐?
Moving on to your next choice of proxy means that you will need to have a few available options. This remains true even once you have chosen someone as your proxy. In addition to choosing the person most likely to follow your wishes, itโs also crucial to choose someone that will be available to step in at a momentโs notice and take on their role as your healthcare representative.
Does this mean your sister in Florida is a bad choice? Not necessarily. So long as she answers her phone and is willing to travel to New Jersey to speak with your doctors and other loved ones in the event she is needed, this can still work.
However, what about that uncle in California? The one that is incredibly intelligent, shares your beliefs regarding medical treatments, and also works 80 hours a week at a job they might not be able to step away from at a momentโs notice? Perhaps they arenโt the best choice, however they could be a suitable backup.
Bottom line โ choose a proxy that will follow your wishes, but also choose someone that will be there when you need them, and then choose one or two backups that also meet this criteria. You never know when tragedy can strike, and even someone thatโs always available could be out of the country on vacation or otherwise indisposed.
๐. ๐๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ฑ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฉ๐๐๐ฅ๐ ๐จ๐ ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐๐๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐ข๐ซ๐๐๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐ก๐๐๐ฅ๐ญ๐ก๐๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ฏ๐ข๐๐๐ซ๐ฌ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง๐๐จ๐ซ๐ฆ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐ซ๐๐๐ญ๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ญ?
This is another important question to ask both yourself and your desired representative. While your living will may do a great job at laying out your wishes with regard to a variety of different medical treatments, the field of medicine is constantly changing, and itโs not possible to adequately predict every possible diagnosis and treatment you may one day need to discuss.
Therefore, if you ever find yourself in a situation where your medical diagnosis requires a treatment that you have never considered, and youโre not capable of speaking with the doctor about this treatment, youโll need someone capable of having this conversation.
The best person for this role is not necessarily a doctor or someone with specific medical knowledge. It need only be someone who is calm under pressure (if this situation ever takes place it will come with a great deal of pressure), someone who doesnโt just blindly follow a doctorโs recommendations, and someone who knows what questions to ask a doctor โ namely, the oneโs you would ask.
So once again, itโs best to have this conversation ahead of time. Speak with your desired proxy about your living will, give them an idea of what would and would not be acceptable to you in terms of treatments and end-of-life decisions. The more prepared they are, the better the outcome will be.
๐. ๐๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐ฅ๐ฌ๐ ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐ ๐๐ฌ๐ค?
OK, so youโve decided who will be your healthcare representative in the event you are unable to make treatment decisions on your own. Youโve found a person that is ready, willing, available and capable. Youโve also found at least one backup in the event they are not available. Now what?
Once your paperwork has been drawn up officially designating your proxy and laying out your wishes through a living will, itโs time to speak to the whole family. Let them know who you have chosen and why. Explain your wishes and make sure everyone understands how you feel. Once everyone is on the same page, youโll be fully prepared for this unfortunate situation, and if the worst occurs, your family will be very grateful that youโve taken the time to prepare.
What if there is someone I specifically donโt want involved in my decisions? What if I want to follow certain religious or other guidelines in my treatment decisions? What if I want to change my proxy or my living will in the future? These are great questions, please feel free to contact the Law Offices of Scott Glatstian, LLC to discuss these and any other questions you may have.
