11/14/2024
Standing up for yourself is both necessary and very, very hard.
Recently, I was a panelist with five men. (At this point, most of the ladies reading this are going to know exactly what happens next.) One of the panelists threw a question to me and another interrupted me. I said, “I’m a woman, I’m used to it” before waiting for several minutes before I could answer.
Was I too bold in saying what I said? No.
Does my saying it make me a b*tch? A lot of folks will think so.
Was I anxious about what I just did? Absolutely. It took me a solid three hours to return to a regular heart rate if I’m honest.
But I’m also proud that I stood up for myself. Luckily, several individuals both during the session and after gave me some positive reinforcement. (Thanks, friends!)
I would like to point out that the interrupting panelist recognized what he did and apologized for it. I appreciate that he figured it out. However, societal norms and rules around “civility” require that I acknowledge and accept his apology, and I didn’t. I was not rude, angry, loud, or vulgar. I just didn’t acknowledge or accept it.
I didn’t for two reasons: (1) women have been gracious in accepting apologies for decades and this poor behavior still happens with little actual accountability, and (2) I don’t owe anyone acceptance of an apology if it does not come with changed behavior. I’ve watched this panelist do this to other women – some close friends – and his behavior has not changed.
My refusal to accept his apology may make me look bad to some as I wasn’t “civil.” I don’t really care that much. If we’re ever going to have accountability and real respectful workplaces, holding the line to expect better means keeping interrupter’s feet in the fire, not graciously acquiescing while knowing full well that the behavior will continue just to keep the peace.
Peace and civility are overrated if they uphold disrespectful behavior. While I was nervous (then and now), I’d rather stick my neck out in hopes others learn from it and can expect more for themselves.
