Karem & Kleier Law

11/28/2023

I love being active in the LBA and am grateful for the appreciation showed to its members. If you aren’t a member talk to me about joining!

Wrapping up with a bang! 🌟 Thank you to Jennifer Kleier from Karem & Kleier Law for participating in our final member spotlight this month.

Throughout November the LBA has been showcasing a member each Monday, but the spotlight doesn't stop this month. Want to be featured or know someone who deserves the spotlight? Reach out to Marisa Motley at [email protected] to learn more. We're here to celebrate YOU — our wonderful members!

10/24/2022

The existence of love, trust, respect, and safety in a relationship is often dependent on moments you might write off as petty disagreements.

05/22/2022

Despite advances in gender equity, many professionally ambitious women still struggle to find balance between their career and that of their partner. While these spouses are happy to have successful, high-earning wives, they are often caught off guard b...

05/11/2022

"Every has a corresponding challenge and every challenge has a corresponding strength. The inattentive child may be a deep thinker. The uncooperative child may be a good leader. The emotionally-charged child may be gifted with exceptional empathy. The rule-defying child may be an out-of-the-box innovator.
When faced with challenging , look for the corresponding strength, and focus on that gift while providing gentle guidance and coping techniques for the challenging areas. That is the essence of working with, instead of against, our children."
—L.R. Knost

✨ If you would like to be kept in the loop on everything Neurochild please submit your details here http://bit.ly/neurochild-connect

05/07/2022

Heather Gray challenges us to think about what our sons really need in order to be emotionally literate.

04/27/2022

"𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝘀𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗸𝗶𝗱𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗱𝗼 𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺𝘀𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲𝘀, 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴?
No matter how many times you ask, who else’s house is littered with clothes, toys, cups and plates?
When our children aren’t ‘moving forward’ as we’d like, it can be gasket-popping-inducing!
𝙃𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢?

𝘾𝙖𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙣𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙?

𝘼𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙛𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙪𝙡𝙩?

𝙊𝙧 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛?

Here's a different perspective…

𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺?
Who hasn’t walked into a room only to find you have no idea what you went in there for?
The human brain hasn’t evolved significantly for over 100,000 years, yet the information that we force into them has. There’s a good reason why we need lists.
And, at a brain level, ‘remembering’ is different to behaviour-change, anyway.
Then when you add stress into the mix, you’ve got a whole new ball-game.
Your child may not be 'stressed', but brains get that bit wrong, ALL THE TIME!

𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗻𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱?
Be honest; how often do we just wake up feeling like ‘𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥’ (and be even less bothered by the time we go back to bed?)
Children tend to be either ‘𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥’; i.e. they like external rewards - or ‘𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥’; the driving force comes from within.
Which way do your children lean? What gets in the way of their motivation and self-discipline? Find out more in the full post.
Are they choosing to be difficult?
A child ‘being difficult’ is often not about you. It's about testing boundaries, discovering their own power, or determining security.
And, with online grooming, criminal exploitation etc. being a very real threat, unquestioningly obedient and compliant children shouldn't always be the goal.
Give them the experience of being in charge of their own decisions, and embrace their right to say ‘no’.

𝗢𝗿 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳?
𝘓𝘦𝘵’𝘴 𝘣𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵. Do we listen, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 listen, to everything our kids tell us?
Have you never feigned a half-hearted ‘wow’ while they jabber on, thinking your ears might actually start bleeding if they don’t stop soon?
Or nodded along for effect while you’ve been far too preoccupied with your own thoughts to meaningfully engage?
And that’s ok sometimes. We’re human. But our kids are too.

So, while there's no silver bullet for any of this, take a deep breath, know it's normal, re-align your expectations, and let the frustration go a little.
Even inwardly cheer your 'difficult' child on; they may be honing a skill that will serve them well later on.

💥 Brought to you by one of Neurochild's Brain Trust, Jo Stockdale with Well Within Reach
For the full post, https://cstu.io/006b7e

04/20/2022

𝗪𝗵𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗺𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘂𝗽 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱?

Like a lot of grown-ups, it may just be that they're not a morning person...
But it's also possible that the adrenaline in their brain is too high.

Whether we're a child or a grown-up, if there's been a spike in adrenaline, 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 24 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴 - 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 - to come back to 'baseline' levels.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝗱 𝗻𝗲𝘄𝘀 is that adrenaline levels can rise significantly without us having an awareness of it.

Our deep, primitive survival brain has no conscious thinking capacity, but as soon as it senses a threat, it starts to ramp up ready for action.

And this is why a child might be close to '𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵' when they wake up. The previous day’s stressor might be obvious; an argument, a melt-down, an enduring worry.

But it may be trickier to work out… Not enough sleep, losing a game on the iPad, an unresolved peer dispute are all enough to unsettle your child’s nervous system.

These kinds of thought-processes that keeps sending a ‘𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺, 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺, 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺’ message to the subconscious brain, which responds by keeping on high-alert.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗻𝗲𝘄𝘀 is that it's fairly easy to re-balance your child’s brain chemistry.

Here are 𝟱 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝗳𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗵 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀, and replace them with healthier brain-balancing hormones;

𝟭) 𝗖𝗼-𝗿𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲; Talk back to your child as though they are calm and regulated, instead of mirroring their intense emotional state.

𝟮) 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗠𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴; It gives us an instant boost of dopamine, and if you can get them to step outside and breathe deeply, you add serotonin to the mix as well.

𝟯) '𝗔 & 𝗘' (𝗔𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗘𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀𝗲'); Don't focus on problem-solving straight away. Validate their feelings, whatever they are. After all, we all want to feel heard.

𝟰) 𝗔𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱 𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗘𝘆𝗲-𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗰𝘁;
Defensive and angry brains misread facial expressions too easily, so communicate without direct eye-contact, or keep it fleeting.

𝟱) 𝗨𝘀𝗲 𝗘𝘆𝗲-𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗰𝘁; For children who experience stressors like anxiety, fear or sadness etc., the mutual gaze can be incredibly soothing. Take your cues from them in terms of the kind of eye-contact they need (or don’t!)

Whatever you do, don't rush them out of their stress; that just adds pressure which can fuel the fire.

Connect with non-verbal communication first, moving onto words once you sense your child is able to process what you’re saying.

And lastly, be realistic with, and kind to, yourself. Our own stressors can make all of this much harder work, so, wherever you can, focus on giving yourself the breathing space to be the well-regulated parent your child needs to become well-regulated with you.

Enjoy!

💥 Brought to you by one of Neurochild's Brain Trust, Jo Stockdale with Well Within Reach
For the full post, visit:https://cstu.io/a17e17

04/20/2022

The 'not your kids, not your problem' approach to step-parenting isn't as callous or detached as it seems.

04/19/2022

04/18/2022

Children’s ability to move and play are being restricted more than ever. We are trying to protect them by saying “No climbing,” “No running,” “No spinning,” “That’s too dangerous,” and “Get down from there!” However, research shows that the drastic decline in “risky” outdoor play in kids is creating behavior problems. By constantly hovering over kids, restricting their movement, and diminishing their time to play, we are causing more harm than good.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (2013), a recent study shows that the average child spends eight hours a day in front of screens (television, video games, computers, smart phones, and so on). Older children and adolescents are spending an average of eleven hours a day in front of screens (Hanscom 2016). That’s a huge amount of time spent in front of screens, which provide little to no proprioceptive or vestibular input. In prior generations, this time was spent outdoors or in play.

In order for kids to listen, focus and learn to sit still for a period of time, they must develop both proprioception and vestibular sense. The most critical time to develop a child’s proprioception and vestibular sense is before age six. With all the time spent in front of screens and telling kids to sit still, avoid climbing, and stop jumping, it’s not surprising why kids won’t listen.

• Proprioception is what tells you where your body parts are without having to look at them. This is the sense that helps you make sense of gravity. It’s the reason you can switch from the gas pedal to the brake without looking at your feet, or bring popcorn to your mouth without taking your eyes off the movie screen. Without properly developed proprioception, kids can push too hard during tag, fall out of their seat at the dinner table, or trip while walking up stairs.

• Vestibular sense provides information about where the body is in relation to its surroundings. This is the sense that helps you understand balance, and it connects with all the other senses. When the vestibular system does not develop properly all other senses will struggle to function properly. Without a strong vestibular sense, kids will have no choice but to fidget, get frustrated, experience more falls and aggression, get too close to people when talking, and struggle with focusing and listening. Because they literally cannot help it.

In order for kids to learn to listen, focus and follow directions as they grow, they need to develop proprioception and vestibular sense by experiencing many physical challenges during childhood.

When children jump, swing, spin, pick up rocks or dig in the dirt, kids are doing exactly what they need. They aren’t intentionally doing it to get hurt, act rambunctiously, worry you or get messy. They are doing it to help themselves become safer, calmer and happier kids.
https://cstu.io/4b8241

✨ If you would like to be kept in the loop on everything Neurochild please submit your details here http://bit.ly/neurochild-connect

04/17/2022

A key element of respectful and mindful parenting is something that I often refer to as "reframing."
Reframing is when we take the automatic messages and responses-many of which are driven by our own childhoods, our own histories, and our emotions-and turn them on their heads, choosing to consciously view our children through a positive, or at least neutral lens. "They're making me crazy” becomes They're having a hard time.” “They don't listen to a word I say” becomes "I have to connect with them before they will fully attend to what I am saying" or sometimes "They have strong minds of their own." "They're crying for no reason” becomes “I know they have a reason, even if I don't know what it is.”
—Robin Einzig - Visible Child