Watlington Law Firm

10/30/2026

ount Dracula: Please Take Your Eyes Off the Phone

Count Dracula,

Thank you for asking whether your ability to see in the dark excuses you from paying attention while driving through a neighborhood on Halloween.

It does not improve the plan.

For purposes of this fictional correspondence, I will accept your statement that you are 600 years old, have excellent night vision, and have never received a speeding ticket in Transylvania. None of that explains why you were checking your phone while children were crossing the street.

You say you were looking for directions to a blood drive. A blessing indeed. Your intentions appear charitable. Your timing needs work.

Halloween is an evening when small people dress in dark clothing, become distracted by candy, and sometimes appear where a driver would rather they did not. Drivers should slow down, scan for pedestrians, and expect children in unexpected places. That is useful advice even if your vehicle is a carriage and your passengers are bats.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration makes the same practical points in its Halloween guidance. No supernatural expertise is required.

Put the phone away before you start moving. If the directions become confusing, pull over somewhere safe. A missed turn is an inconvenience. Looking away while driving through a crowd of trick-or-treaters can have consequences that last considerably longer.

You also mentioned that your cape occasionally catches on the gearshift. I suggest a wardrobe adjustment. Looking distinguished is of limited value if you cannot operate the vehicle.

For the parents accompanying those little vampires, witches, and superheroes: use crosswalks or intersections where possible, look for traffic in every direction, and keep watching for turning vehicles. A costume does not make its occupant visible to every driver. It certainly does not guarantee the driver is looking.

If your Halloween plans involve alcohol, arrange a sober ride before the festivities begin. The Count has asked whether centuries of drinking experience change this advice. They do not. Neither does living close to the castle.

I would much prefer that everyone�s Halloween story involve too much candy and a disappointing costume contest. Those are problems that can usually be discussed without photographs, insurance paperwork, or a consultation.

Enjoy the evening. Watch for the children. Let your passenger handle the directions.

And please stop telling people you have been driving safely since before automobiles were invented. That raises questions about your experience rather than answering them.

Best Personal Regards,
Garland Watlington, JD
Count Dracula and this correspondence are fictional. The safety message is quite real.

Source: NHTSA Halloween Safety Tips � https://www.nhtsa.gov/halloween-safety-tips

10/13/2026

Updated Version.

Mr. Bones Has a Coverage Problem

Mr. Bones,

Thank you for contacting Watlington Law Firm concerning the loss of your legs in what you described as a “yard maintenance incident.”

I am pleased to hear your injuries were not fatal due to lack of blood flow. A blessing indeed. Your lack of blood appears to have worked in your favor.

After reviewing the photograph and your account of the events, however, I regret to inform you that we have a problem.

You described your wife running over you with the lawnmower as an accident. You also reported that she backed up and made another pass.

The second pass concerns me.

As does your statement that she lowered the cutting deck.

Insurance policies commonly contain exclusions for intentional acts. We would need to examine the actual policy, but your wife’s alleged statement, “Let’s see you leave your shoes in the hallway now,” is unlikely to improve our position.

You have asked whether we can make a claim against the lawnmower manufacturer. At present, the evidence suggests the mower performed precisely as intended. The operator’s intentions appear to be the difficulty.

You also asked about pain and suffering. I do not question your suffering. Establishing your pain may require some explanation, given the absence of nerves, muscles, and everything ordinarily attached to them.

Nevertheless, you were wise to seek advice before accepting your wife’s offer to repair the damage with fishing line and a bag of cable ties. Please preserve those items, along with any remaining portions of your legs.

Do not permit her to mow again until the evidence has been photographed.

Although we may be unable to assist with your injury claim, I believe you need the best divorce lawyer money can buy. We would be glad to make a referral.

You should explain the urgency when scheduling the appointment. Your wife has already demonstrated a willingness to divide the marital assets.

Best Personal Regards,
Garland Watlington, JD

Mr. Bones is a fictional Halloween client. His coverage problems—and marital difficulties—are presented for entertainment.

09/26/2026

Off to the Riverhouse with Zachary.

09/23/2026

This is welcome news. From my time defending the accused, I had seen a noticeable shift as well. Haven’t represented accused much lately but may go back to it a bit. We have made great strides in racial relations, refusing to pass on the hate of prior generations. This has had tangible results. We still have work to do of course. It will always be a work in progress. Fairness to all races is a necessity for our democracy. Let’s keep it rolling.

In 2000-19, the prison-admission rate for violent crime dropped 20% for whites, 43% for blacks.

09/23/2026

Horrible. On many levels. Avoiding responsibility is the American big business way. AI creators are angling for the same protections. That’s what regulation means to them by the way, immunity. They build it and it breaks humans and they are immune. American Commerce in action. At least we have Workers Compensation protections in the workforce. They are terribly deficient, but at least some help. When we regulate AI let’s not let those who cause harm to escape with the piggy bank.

Hundreds of workers who’ve contracted silicosis are suing the artificial stone industry for billions. While California weighs a ban on fabricating the product, the manufacturers’ defenders in Congress are trying to ban the lawsuits.

09/03/2026

Gaston’s rocks! Gonna be fun

Join me in supporting Jonesboro Elks Lodge: https://go.rallyup.com/47e445

08/28/2026

A very good group celebrating my birthday! Amy excuse for a cake with this group….lol

05/30/2026

Thank you all!

Congrats to Watlington Law Firm for winning silver in best law firm and best personal injury lawyer!

03/04/2026

https://bestofnea.com/vote/watlingtonlawfirm/

Last day to vote. Thanks!

Vote for Watlington Law Firm through Wednesday, March 4th at 05:00 pm