08/18/2021
Thoughts on Cuomo
I listened to Andrew Cuomo’s resignation speech and was struck by his comment he was not aware “the line” had moved. Really?? No need to vent further about him since it is obvious, he is a GIANT JERK/CREEP. But the comment about “the line moving” struck a chord in me since I have personally seen that line move since I started as a lawyer in 1980.
Let’s see, where do I start? It was, what you would call in those days, “little things”. Like the bank vice president who would come to our office, (we represented the bank), and always put his arm around my shoulders with a Hi Baby comment. Finally, I took his arm and removed it from my shoulders, and said, “I don’t see you putting your arm around the shoulders of my male law partners.”
Then there was the small county district judge that after our meeting, (I represented the county on a discrimination claim), who wanted to walk me to my car. Once in my car, before I could close the door, he reached over and kissed me on the lips. Did I do anything or say anything? No, other than feeling creeped out and needing a shower.
Then there was the insurance adjuster, known to be a total ass, who literally tried to grab me, and do God knows what. My workouts came to my rescue as I was able to push him off. But he won in the end because he removed me from handling every file for his insurance company. When my firm assumed I “screwed something up” (no pun intended) I couldn’t explain the reason and I didn’t. Why? Because that would have confirmed their theory women shouldn’t try lawsuits.
Then as time went on (in defense of my firm these issues no longer exist) it was the more insidious things like put down comments. These offending law partners are gone but I endured these put down comments, way too long. When I would complain I would get this response, “I was only kidding”. Turning the problem on me instead of what they just did. I was “too sensitive” since they were only kidding.
When I got stronger, (some might say meaner/tougher), I pushed back and then I would get a weak, sounding irritated, “sorry”. Finally, I had a belly full of these fake sorrys and replied, “I won’t accept your sorry.” I held back and didn’t say what I was thinking which was, “What you mean is you are a sorry person.”
But all of this is in the past and in a weird way it helped me when I began conducting discrimination and sexual harassment prevention trainings. What all this behavior really boils down to, is this: It makes a person feel bigger, by making you feel smaller. It is simply, POWER. I have the power to do what I want and if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then it is your problem, not mine. Oops, I didn’t realize the line had moved and I had stepped over it.
It should be said that women can also be guilty of this, even though it is much more common with men. I investigated a matter where a female elected official was guilty of this same type of power behavior.
For years, I have recommended to women, instead of complaining about the “good old boy system” promote other women. Women in the past have been incredibly competitive with each other and sometimes not very supportive of other women. In law school at Baylor, known for its trial advocacy program, a law professor told me I should always go for male jurors because female jurors would not like me. I think he meant well, but I refused to believe or follow this idea and it worked out just fine. But now women are supporting each other and that is a good sign of process.
I am glad things are improving but I do want to caution women. Women have a warm compassionate side and I for one would not want to lose that gift. I am not justifying anything about Cuomo, and he should be “kicked to the curb’” and then stomped on by every woman he has disrespected. I recommend these women wear stilettos to do the stomping.
