05/29/2026
Reflections on the week. Had two cases with “parentified children“. What does this mean? It means the child serves as the emotional anchor for a parent.
This occurs when a parent leans on the child for comfort during adult struggles (e.g., divorce, financial distress, drama in adult friendships, etc.). Children in these roles are often praised for being "wise beyond their years" or "so responsible," but this forced maturity is a trauma response.
Common indicators: the child has a tendency to be a perfectionist or a people-pleaser in order to keep the peace and prevent the family dynamic from falling apart.
Perfectionism & People-Pleasing: Believing that if they are flawless and accommodating, they can prevent the adults in their lives from getting upset.
Emotional Suppression: Stifling their own feelings to avoid burdening caregivers or to appear "strong".
Difficulty with Peers: Have trouble relaxing or engaging in spontaneous, age-appropriate fun. They find it easier to relate to adults rather than their peers.
Parentified children often face struggles later in life. In adulthood, this can manifest as chronic anxiety, difficulty maintaining friendships, boundary-setting issues, and a constant urge to fix other people's problems.
How do I remedy this if I think I’m doing this to my child?
Gently, but firmly, take back parental responsibilities. Ensure the child sees that you are capable of managing the household and the needs of the family. Do not let your children look on your social media, participate in adult conversations or overhear adult conversations.  Do not gossip with your child about their friends or yours. Explicitly acknowledge the burden the child has carried, thanking them for how hard they've worked to care for others, but let them know it is no longer their job.
