01/22/2023
Divorce is a process that can be emotionally and financially difficult. Recent headlines have raised the question of divorce and how it can be empowering, how a new start or even just the end of something can lead to personal evolution.
Miley Cyrus released the song "Flowers" on January 13, 2023, three years and several weeks after her 16 month marriage was settled in divorce (December 2019), and finalized a month later in early 2020. The couple had dated on and off for ten years.
Miley's addictive empowerment ballad features her crooning "I can buy my own flowers, I can hold my own hand." According to prevailing reports this is a response to the song her ex husband had dedicated to her upon their engagement in 2017-- the Bruno Mars classic "When I Was Your Man." Aside from being an odd choice to one's fiance the song lists regrets by a man speaking to his ex about what he should have done better throughout their relationship. The timing of that song is puzzling. Upon their separation or divorce that dedication would seem like an apology or at the very least an attempt to communicate with someone (who in this case is someone Liam allegedly wronged - supposedly sleeping with 14 different women during their marriage -- in the house rented for the music video referenced herein). But this song was dedicated 6 years before "Flowers" was released, while they were together, and at their engagement. It's a strange choice of song to dedicate and a this is somewhat suspicious song for Ms. Cyrus to release now.
It would seem that the singer is processing betrayl and loss with a song of rising above needing him, "danc[ing] on [her] own" -- but does the song seem like rebirth or revenge?
Three years have gone by, including a global pandemic and Liam being in a relationship for those three years with the same woman. The timing seems like an effort to get back at and to publicly humiliate Liam. If not, then why the house, suit, and pilates in the music video. The suit she wears is the one he wore when on the red carpet during their marriage she pretended to lick his face and he told her to "behave for once." The song has struck a chord with audiences in the week since its release, because of the message and, well....to quote Pete Davidson reflecting (in his stand up special) on Ariana Grande's public reference to him on "Thank You, Next" following their breakup-- his friends telling him "Pete, we love you, but [the song] is catchy"..."you're gonna have a rough eight months" "Flowers" IS VERY CATCHY. It has "Wrecking Ball" vibes but the lyrics clearly define that its her ex husband in the cross hairs.
Gender plays a role in public divorces and in not highly publicized divorces too. The process of divorce, betrayl, and shifting identity is very different for men than it is for women, generally -- at least it can be. Switch the genders here and it seems to be a very different public reaction. Men are allowed to be sad, women are allowed to be sad, but this instance of public revenge and celebration of self-love (very much at Liam's expense) is applauded in what one can only guess a lopsided instance. Has Liam slammed Miley publicly? No. Did this just happen? No. Is Liam trying to rekindle things with Miley? We don't know but it seems that he is quietly in a relationship with the person he quarantined with in his home nation of Australia and not pursuing Miley. They are also celebrities and gender isn't everything but while the Law (Iowa law) does not give weight or consideration to gender in child custody determinations, child support, alimony, or property division, people and lawyers representing parties in divorce are certainly aware that this is a human experience.
Divorce and the years after can be great, terrible, and usually some of both. The idea that the process of 'unbundling' a marriage is more than just dividing houses, dogs and 401ks is an understated aspect of divorce. The process is complicated for everyone in one way or the other (even simple divorces) and it is important to allow everyone to take their time and follow their own path, but also remember that individuals may impact each other in good and bad ways. While Miley may have simply set out to make a popular song, it seems too intentional to ignore that it is a message probably to women more than to men and while she may be right and may be entitled to it we should wonder about Liam's side of this in now dealing with a three year old wound being reopened on the Top 40. This would have different optics if released during or immediately after the divorce, but again whether for money or for closure, the impact on the other person should be considered and is a point of consideration in what divorce does to people.
Was Liam asked for his approval prior to release? Should he have been? Is there anything wrong with her releasing the song? To this last question (and the first Yes and second maybe) absolutely not. She's an artist, but they're both ex spouses, but they are just people who went through a divorce after a decade of being in a relationship. This is not unique to Miley however. Carly Simon released "You're so Vain" in 1972, however it was not known who the "Son of a Gun" who "walked into the party" was and for 40 years public speculation as to identity included Mick Jagger and James Taylor. (In 2015 Carly revealed it was Warren Beatty). Alanis Morisette wrote and performed "You Oughta Know" which was released in 1995 in which she sang that "it was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced" and "...every time you speak her name does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died." Alanis was mad but neither she nor Carly outted their ex so explicitly, in fact the opposite -- clouding the identity and not revealing it in interviews for DECADES. It has been speculation for almost 30 years who the target of "You Oughta Know" was. Dave Coulier is rumored to be the man referenced in the song (he now claims it was him), which Alanis refuses to confirm and as recently as 2019 said in an interview that there would be "no revealing" and that she instead enjoys the speculation. How different these songs and their creators are from Flowers and Ms. Cyrus. There is no doubt who Miley is singing about but an added clue may be that she released Flowers on Liam's birthday.
Sometimes there is no right answer but what is clear is that divorce is a complicated emotional process that operates individually and on each person's emotional timeline.
Ultimately Miley released a song about her ex and that's ok. She may have written it years ago. She may not have. She's processing the divorce in a very public way, years after it was finalized, by addressing the person she was married to and that is OK. He gets to be hurt too, or to not care, to react, or not react. We are all uniquely the audience to this part of the process.
