10/17/2026
10 Things That Will Hurt You in Your NY Custody Case
In New York, custody is decided based on the best interests of the child. Judges look closely at how each parent behaves, and these mistakes can cost you:
1. Putting the kids in the middle. Using your children as messengers, spies, or emotional support puts them in a loyalty bind. Judges notice when a parent can’t keep the kids out of adult conflict.
2. Talking to your kids about the court case. Kids shouldn’t hear about hearings, evidence, or what you’re asking the judge for. It adds stress they shouldn’t carry, and it can come back to hurt you.
3. Bad-mouthing the other parent. Insults and negative comments, even “just venting” or under your breath, can be repeated in court. Courts want to see parents who support the children’s relationship with the other parent.
4. Interfering with the other parent’s time. Withholding the children, “forgetting” exchanges, or making parenting time hard to carry out can backfire badly. Courts consider which parent is more likely to foster the child’s relationship with the other.
5. Focusing only on the other parent’s faults. A case built entirely on attacking the other parent misses the real question: what is best for your child? Show the court your involvement, your stability, and your plan for your child’s future.
6. Posting about your case on social media. Judges and opposing counsel do see it. Angry posts, party photos, and comments about the other parent can become exhibits.
7. Missing parenting time or being inconsistent. Showing up late, canceling, or disappearing for stretches undermines any claim that you are the stable, reliable parent.
8. Ignoring court orders. Temporary custody schedules, support obligations, and other directives must be followed. Willful violations can lead to contempt and damage your credibility.
9. Substance use or erratic behavior around the children. Concerns about alcohol, drugs, or volatile conduct can lead to testing, supervised visitation, or restrictions on your time.
10. Making major decisions alone. Relocating with the children or unilaterally changing schools, doctors, or other significant matters without the other parent’s agreement or court approval can seriously hurt your case.
The bottom line: judges want to see the parent who puts the children first. Your conduct throughout the case is evidence.
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