11/03/2026
Left lane drivers:
The reason I hate having court in Lonoke…
BREAKING: ARDOT is reportedly monitoring a developing situation on I-40 East between North Little Rock and Lonoke, where two tractor trailers have been attempting to pass each other since approximately the Louisiana Purchase.
The truck in the right lane is traveling 54.999 MPH. The truck in the left lane is traveling 55.000 MPH. At this rate, the passing maneuver is expected to conclude sometime around the year 2033, assuming neither driver encounters a slight incline.
Behind them, a man from Fort Smith has exhausted every swear word in the English language, completely eaten two sausage McGriddles, called his wife to tell her he loves her, and begun seriously considering abandoning his vehicle and starting a new life in the woods.
A guy from Conway left home with a full tank of gas, a promising future, and dreams of seeing his family again. He now has a beard, three grandchildren, and a completely different understanding of time.
By mile 48, the motorists behind the trucks have established a functioning civilization. They've elected a mayor, opened Arkansas’s second Buc-ee’s, formed a homeowners association, and are currently debating whether to declare independence from Arkansas.
ARDOT has reportedly started work on a construction project to widen the highway, but officials estimate the trucks will still be attempting to pass each other when it's completed. The driver in the left lane remains confident. He's gaining approximately six inches every presidential administration.
Meanwhile, 700 Arkansans are trapped behind two men engaged in the slowest drag race in recorded human history. Neither driver is willing to surrender. Neither driver is willing to accelerate…And somewhere in the distance, there's a sign that says LEFT LANE CLOSED 2 MILES AHEAD.