06/28/2026
I recently met with a prospective client to discuss her foundational estate planning documents.
“Who would you like to serve as your health care agent and/or financial power of attorney?”
Her response came immediately: “My eldest daughter. She’s the oldest.”
Naturally, I pushed back a bit based on her answer because choosing a fiduciary is not about birth order. It’s about trust and emotional capability.
When selecting someone for this type of role, two questions should be asked:
First, do you trust this person completely to honor your wishes, even if they personally disagree with them?
And second, can this person emotionally handle making those decisions and living with the repercussions?
Serving in a fiduciary role is not a reward.
It is not a title of honor for being the firstborn.
These are deeply emotional decisions, often made during moments of crisis, fear, and uncertainty.
And not everyone is equipped for that role, regardless of how much they love you.
After a long discussion, the client ultimately realized that her eldest daughter was not the right person for this particular responsibility.
The best fiduciary choices are not about fairness, tradition, or birth order.
They’re about selecting the person most capable of carrying the weight of the job when the moment comes.
