10/04/2022
What COVID Revealed About Relationships: An Attorney's Viewpoint
Family law practitioners across the country all dealt with the same issues when COVID affected the court systems in 2020: It started with a shutdown of all but emergency hearings, cases put on hold, and phones gone quiet as people stayed home and adjusted to the situation. Then, courts opened up on limited or full calendars, and all hell broke loose. The floodgates opened with restraining orders, divorces, and nasty custody fights pouring in. People were upset, angry, and ready to fight---usually with their newly “ex” partner.
So what happened? What did we learn?
First, we learned that many relationships are fragile and depend on maintaining schedules and habits. The upsetting of routine and constant contact many people had by being in the same house day after day instead of going to work created a lot of relationship friction. In many cases, this was enough to end the relationship.
Second, we learned that many people will turn their frustrations on their partner when under significant stress. Relationships that might have had problems had them exacerbated and increased, and what was tolerable before became intolerable.
Third, we learned that without a normal routine, substance abuse of all kinds increases. This should not be surprising, as the routine of work and social obligations is normally a leveling factor and keeps people from overindulging to the point where they are no longer a functional partner. Those restrictions went away for a time, and it was revealed how many people need them.
If all of this sounds pretty dire, it is. It has been a rough stretch in family law. However, there are solutions and take-aways that we should remember. Here are a few that I believe are important.
1. When there is a major life change, you need to discuss it with your partner. Deciding how to handle things together ensures that one party isn’t quietly seething inside at the choices made for how to handle it.
2. Know that it is likely that a difficult circumstance may make you want to take it out on your partner. Knowing that this is likely will help you notice it when it happens and allow you to adjust.
3. Professional help can be essential during stressful times. Sometimes reaching out to a mental health professional is the best thing you can do for your family.
4. If your relationship has issues of domestic violence, controlling behavior, or substance abuse issues, simply limping along and putting up with it rarely works. There is always a trigger that increases the behavior eventually. It is best to address such issues with professional help early, before the stressors hit. If the problem can’t be solved during good times, it definitely won’t be solved during bad times. Get help early, and don’t ignore red flags.
