Nancy N Ghertner, PC

02/17/2022

02/17/2022

How To Tell Your Kids You Are Getting a Divorce

How do you tell your kids about an unavoidable divorce, a major change in their young lives, and when do you tell them? I find it best to gather all the children in one room and have you and your spouse tell them together so that the kids can see that their parents can still get along for now.

Stay positive and try to keep any hurt feelings or blame out of the conversation. Tell the kids about their new living arrangements, any planned moves out of state, or any new schools they may attend.
Then as the divorce process moves along you can give the children more information on how their lives will be different, and of course better.

Remember that children are feeling the added stress of the Covid-19 pandemic so telling them about a pending divorce should be done with extra care.

How the talk goes will be different depending on how old your children are. For this article I am focusing on children who are pre-teens or younger. Through working with many clients as a divorce attorney in Atlanta I have found that the best approach is for mom and dad to talk beforehand and agree on what to say, and how best to say it. Then both parents should sit down together with their children and give them their full attention. Let them ask as many questions as they want.

I have heard it said that since the divorce rate in America is high, your kids will have at least one friend from a single parent household, so a divorce isn’t as shocking as it used to be. But children usually blame themselves for anything that happens in their lives and divorce is no exception.

Put Your Children’s Needs First

Emotions will naturally want to spill out, including unhelpful ones, so I recommend that both spouses focus on the needs of their children first. Kids want security and routine, and they will want to know where mom or dad is going to live, and how often can they see both parents.

Before you ask the kids to gather for a family talk, I suggest that you and your spouse decide ahead of time who is going to speak first. Usually, this person will be the one who is filing for divorce, but the other spouse should be supportive regardless of how they feel about the breakup. The goal here is to reassure the kids that they will be safe and loved even though the living arrangements are changing.

Remember to tell your kids that this is a permanent change so that they do not hold out hope for a reunion of mom and dad.
I am available anytime to talk to you about how to file for a divorce in Georgia and answer any questions you have.

01/26/2022

Top 5 Ways to Prepare for a Divorce Proceeding in GA

If your marriage cannot be fixed and you have decided to file for a Georgia divorce, I recommend you start preparing now so that the process goes more smoothly and you can start your new life more quickly. Here are my top 5 ways to start getting organized for a Georgia divorce proceeding:

1. Make copies of all financial records. You are going to need copies to show the judge so that things like alimony and child support amounts can be fairly calculated. Also, when it comes to dividing up financial assets like your primary residence, jointly-owned rental property, or a business owned by both spouses, your judge will need to examine these documents. Also gather the last 5 years of your joint tax returns.

2. Make yourself aware of family expenses, i.e., how much it costs you to live each month. Sometimes one spouse will handle all the day-to-day living expenses and thus the other spouse will know little about mortgage payments, school tuition, health insurance premiums, and car payments. Try to make copies of as many financial documents as you can. Log into financial accounts on the web and download statements. Now is not the time to miss something important. Plus, you may not have much time to gather these documents if the other spouse isn’t aware of an imminent divorce.

3. Think of how you could reasonably envision your life post-divorce. It's a tremendous help to visualize how you new life will look and how much happier you will be. If you focus on your new future, you are less likely to get bogged down in past emotions and perceived wrongs. Now is the time to remove as much emotion as you can from the divorce proceeding so that you draw strength from being calm, cool, and level-headed.

4. If you have minor children together, think through what sort of parenting plan would be in their best interests. Both parents should want their kids to stay during the week with the parent who is committed to helping with homework every night, and getting the kids fed and off to school on time each morning. Then on the weekends the children can live with the other parent. Your final divorce decree will contain a very detailed parenting plan that spells out who has the kids on every major holiday, during spring break, and even on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. This is a great place to negotiate for the days most important to you - as long as it’s in the children’s best interest.

5. If you have been delaying costly medical procedures, consider taking care of them prior to separating. For practical reasons you want to get these procedures done while you are still covered by your spouse’s health insurance. Having to pay out of pocket deductibles on your own can be a struggle, especially with divorce costs looming. Also, you may want to have any surgeries done while you are still together so you are fully recovered and have the energy to see the divorce through.

11/14/2019

Here are my best tips for keeping the peace with your spouse this Thanksgiving holiday, and creating memories with your children.

Thanksgiving is fast approaching, and you may be planning what dishes to make and who to invite to your annual feast. You also may be in the middle of filing for divorce or are searching for an Atlanta divorce attorney to call once the holidays are over.

11/11/2019

Thanksgiving is fast approaching, and you may be planning what dishes to make and who to invite to your annual feast. You also may be in the middle of filing for divorce or are searching for an Atlanta divorce attorney to call once the holidays are over.

10/07/2019

Please check out my latest advice for divorced parents on how to stay involved when major decisions concerning their children need to be made.

Once a married couple with children files for divorce, both parents should prepare for a trickier decision-making process. Why? Because it’s likely that from now on one of the parents will not be in the room when important matters get discussed, and decisions get made.

08/26/2019

Please see my timely advice on how newly-divorced or separated parents can work together to make sure their children are ready for school each day, and have completed all homework. Help your children thrive each new school year regardless of your new relationship status.

This may be the first school year that you experience as a divorced single parent, but you’ll make it happen! Getting everyone ready for back to school is tough enough when a couple is still together and in one household, but the degree of difficulty ramps up when there are two households. Each pa...

06/28/2019

How to Stay Out of a Divorce Lawyer’s Office and Live Happily Ever After!

It’s summertime and that means a lot of couples are getting married these days. By the way, I am a licensed wedding officiant and I would be honored to help you. But I am also an Atlanta divorce attorney and it is my hope that you won’t need my legal services. Over my 30-year legal career, I have figured out my top 5 reasons why marriages end prematurely, and I truly don’t want yours to suffer the same fate.

Here are the top 5 reasons why an unhappy spouse comes to see me and begins divorce proceedings. I hope you will read through these now to avoid these common marital pitfalls, and you and I will never do business together.

Top 5 Ways to Never Set Foot in an Atlanta Divorce Lawyer’s Office

ONE: Start the Conversation Now: Kids or No Kids?

You’re in love and that’s all that matters, right? While true love should underpin everything you do together, it helps to sit down with “The One” now and talk through the most important and inevitable life choices you’ll make together.

The decision to have children (aka “The Sequels”) doesn’t get any bigger than this. Questions about starting a family together should include:

Do you want to start a family right away, or wait a few years? (The mother’s age is a big factor here)
Do you want a big family or just one child? Your future spouse may have been an only child and that is what he/she is comfortable with.

Should we save up for private school, or are you ok with a public education?

Speaking of saving up for private school, the next big area to discuss is money:

TWO: Second Big Conversation: Do We Spend or Save?

While everyone likes to consider themselves a true saver, the reality is that usually one spouse is more comfortable than the other spending money. I have found that fights over finances are by far the most common reason for one or both of you to go to bed angry – and that will destroy intimacy in a (broken) heartbeat.

Have the courage to honestly talk about your feelings about money in general, and let your fiance know how your parents handled (rightly or wrongly) their finances. Agree to a savings plan that includes what percentage you both will sock away each month, and how you will jointly work towards financial security. Angst over money is not healthy for your honey.

THREE: Third Big Conversation: Do You Like the House Warmer or Colder?

It may not sound like a threat to your marriage, but constantly playing “adjust the thermostat” because you disagree on how warm or cold your home should be can lead to serious disharmony. I have found that compromise is always the best solution, so you may have to put on a sweater or grab a blanket if you married a “coldie.” Be an advocate for your needs and usually you will find that as you grow older together, the thermostat wars will subside.

FOUR: Remember: You’re Married to Each Other, Not Your In-Laws

This family dynamic issue can be explosive and have a short fuse. Both sets of in-laws naturally want the best for their daughter or son, and they want to like (and eventually love) your soulmate. But a marriage is a union between two people, not six.

A whole host of new relationships are born the moment you decide to get married: husband and wife, mother-in-law and son-in-law, grandparent and grandchild (down the road). There is no more important and sacred relationship than the one between you and your life partner. You guys come first. It’s your wedding, your first house, and your decision to have children, and when. Never let in-laws come between you and your spouse, or one day you may end up in my office.

FIVE: Get a Prenup or a Postnup!

Actually this is one time where you should come see me before you get married, or soon thereafter. You may think that a prenuptial agreement (a prenup) is only for the rich and famous, but any couple can benefit from drawing up this legal agreement prior to their wedding day. A prenup defines what will happen to a couple’s assets in case the marriage doesn’t survive. A prenup is done before your wedding and a postnup is done after.

While I would love to meet you and your wonderful partner, it is my desire only to help you with the good things in life, like crafting a prenup or postnup, or officiating at your wedding. Cheers!

03/10/2019

What Happens to the Marital Home in a Georgia Divorce?

The recent news of the pending Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos divorce raises a lot of financial questions given the enormous size of the family estate (think Amazon.com). The Bezos divorce is further complicated by the fact that the couple owns multiple homes in different states. But no matter what your financial assets and property are worth, or how many homes you jointly own, you should seek the advice of a veteran Georgia divorce lawyer who is well-versed in property division law in the Peach State.

When it comes to dividing assets and liabilities between two spouses during their divorce proceeding, Georgia is an equitable distribution state. This means the division is one that the family law court considers is fair - but not necessarily equal. This includes the marital home, which is often the most financially valuable asset the couple owns jointly.

Deciding which spouse will live in the home, especially when young children are involved, can quickly lead to emotional upset and confrontation, but even this ultra-important decision can be settled with the help of an attorney who has represented many clients going through a divorce.

Although there are workable solutions (see below), they all begin with having the property appraised to determine its fair market value. Any debts owed relevant to the property, like the mortgage and taxes, are deducted to determine the equity, which is the amount that needs to be divided.

Put the House on the Market and Start Fresh Somewhere Else

The easiest solution may be to hire a realtor and sell the home to a new owner. When the sale goes through, the proceeds will be distributed by the court under the principles of equitable distribution. One party may receive more of the home equity than the other after the court considers all relevant factors to a fair distribution.

One Spouse Buys Out the Equity Interest in the Property from the Other

Either party can buy out the interest of the other based on the amount of equity in the home. The home will likely need to be refinanced first, which provides for the deed to the home to be placed in the name of the buying spouse. A “refi” also removes the selling spouse from liability and debt that comes with being a joint owner, and provides the money to the other spouse for the buy-out.

The two options above are what most couples choose to do, but Nancy Ghertner can discuss other options based on your unique situation.

02/06/2019

Georgia Antenuptial (Prenuptial and Postnuptial) Law Changes for 2019

A new marriage agreement law (HB 190) was passed recently by the Georgia House of Representatives that now requires a prenup or postnup agreement to be in writing, signed by both parties, and attested to by a notary and at least one witness. Prior to the passage of this change in the law a prenup or postnup could be made verbally and still hold up in court.

I can help you craft a legally-binding document that protects your individual assets and ensures your financial directives (wills and probate) to children from a previous marriage stay intact.

How to Have a Healthy Prenup Conversation with Your Fiancé

You are in love and are planning to get married, but first you want a prenuptial agreement (Georgia prenup) in writing. The subject is an emotional one since it brings up the possibility of a divorce into the otherwise loving moments of wedding and honeymoon planning.

I would suggest you begin the conversation with your fiancé by saying something like, “Honey, let’s talk about a prenup.” Make it clear you are not expecting your marriage to end in divorce but instead you view a prenup the same as an insurance policy. No one expects to ever have to use it for an emergency, but it is nice to know it is there just in case.

Be clear about why you think a prenup is a good idea. Explain any life experience you had that leads you to believe you need this agreement before you get married. For example, you could say something like, “After my first marriage ended, I was financially disadvantaged for years and I just can’t go through that again.”

If You Didn’t Do a Prenup Before the Wedding, You Can Always Prepare a Postnup Now

A postnup covers the same marital decisions as a prenup. The only difference is a postnup can be prepared after you have been married. You may feel more comfortable talking about a postnup with your spouse after your relationship has grown stronger. I have worked for over 30 years with married couples who decided to get a postnup done for their own piece of mind. Once put in writing, signed by both spouses in front of a notary and one other witness (me), you can throw the document in a drawer and forget about it – go be happily married forever!

Allow for Changes in the Final Prenuptial or Postnuptial

As time passes and life events unfold (babies born, career changes, major health issues) there may be a need to change the terms of the agreement. Provide for this contingency in your original plan. You can also add a “sunset clause” provision whereby the agreement will expire on a certain date.

One area of family law that cannot be included in a prenup or postnup is child support and child custody. In case a divorce is inevitable after you have children, a family law judge will decide who the children live with, and which spouse will make support payments.

Marriage is both a social contract and a financial partnership. The more comfortable and secure you feel about your shared financial growth as a couple, the better the union.