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Rajan Chettiar LLC

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Rajan Chettiar LLC

We provide a personalised legal service that is efficient and cost effective. Rajan Chettiar is a professional lawyer trained in the field of family mediation.

He is also a trained collaborative lawyer and is qualified to oversee matters such as couples looking to resolve marital, child, financial and property issues before filing for divorce, or individuals seeking protection against family violence. A volunteer court mediator, Rajan offers family and commercial mediation services, including settling employment and commercial disputes to avoid litigatio

n. Providing legal solutions for all your personal and corporate problems, Rajan Chettiar invites you to email your queries or comments to him on a no-obligation basis. Contact us today to speak to a lawyer. Call us now at 6533 6451 or email [email protected]

www.rajanchettiar.com www.facebook.com/rajanchettiarllc www.resolvers.com.sg

14/06/2024

Handling clients going through marital issues:

These clients are in a frail emotional state, unhappy with their marriage and helpless on the next step to take. They are in great emotional pain.

They reach out to family lawyers, often not knowing what they want.

Is it legal information or advice they want?

With that advice, what do they do with it?

These spouse's find themselves in these situations after speaking to a family lawyer for the first time:

* Mull over it with no further action taken.

* Speak to family and friends who share their views and experience which usually does not help the spouse.

* Check with more lawyers and get confused by the differing advice.

* Speak to their spouse and not making progress because of lack of experience on how to communicate with them or just the sheer conflict of being in the problem and at the same time having to negotiate settlements with them.

What can these spouse's do?

1. Acknowledge their feelings and emotions.
2. The only way to resolve feelings of loss and confusion is to seek professional counselling.

No, not couple counselling. Personal counselling to sort out emotions.

This HELPS them to get clarity and achieve focus on how to resolve the problem.

3. Get legal advice and a second or at most a third opinion from specialist family lawyers.

Anything more than that creates CONFUSION.

4. Make a decision.

Take action to end the pain by signing a Deed of Separation (if divorce is not what to they want now) or filing for divorce.

Decide to maintain status quo, which is fine and move on with life.

Just remember that holding on to a broken marriage for the sake of children does them more harm than good, which is not visible but eats into their psychological well being.

05/06/2024

Children of Divorce.

A young man's recent WhatsApp message made me feel his pain.

He shared how he is so torn between both his parents in post divorce Court proceedings.

"Who do I side? I just don't know. I am so torn."

Another teenager who is also stuck between both parents faces psychological problems because of their parents' deep seated acrimony post-divorce.

My heart goes out to them and it is upsetting when the good legal advice is shunned by clients who deny the realities.

Do divorcing parents really know best for their children?

Do they listen to their children's wishes?

The law speaks about best interests of children.

What is that best interests really when many, many such children suffer?

Children may not voice out their true feelings so as not to hurt the parent they live with.

It doesn't mean they are not affected.

What should we really do?

As family lawyers, we should not be only the voice of our clients.

We have to also look at the issue from all different perspectives - including that of the child.

It is our duty to be that child's voice as well and advise our clients. The rest is up to the client.

Parents hold off divorce proceedings and continue the toxic home environment, thinking that their childre are too young to withstand divorce proceedings.

The children are aware of their parents' conflicts and are mentally affected by the daily tension at home.

They are already suffering. So, a divorce may, in fact, help them to live a healthy life.

Many a time children have said to their parents: Why aren't you divorcing mum/dad? What are you waiting for?

Let us not force children to take sides.

Let us not force them to have relationships with their father/mother.

Find out the reason why these children are behaving in the way they are?

Social sciences inform us that childre of divorce usually have difficulties in their own marital relationships.

Do we want that for our children?

15/05/2024

Finally!

What many couples who were contemplating divorce was looking for is going to happen.

Divorce by Mutual Agreement (DMA) is going to be implemented from July 1 in Singapore.

Presently, a spouse who wish to file for divorce often has to rely on the other spouse's unreasonable behaviour.

The other reasons - adultery, 3 years separation with consent, 4 years' separation and 2 years of desertion - do not apply to most divorcing couples.

Unreasonable behaviour is fault based and naturally many spouses are slighted by such aspersions to their conduct.

Though with properly drafted divorce papers and tactful negotiation, uncontested divorces based on unreasonable behaviour are being filed, clients always ask why they cannot file for divorce together or cite irreconciliable differences as a reason.

DMA is the next right step in law in helping couples to achieve uncontested peaceful divorces.

It also reiterates the Family Court's approach since 2014 in promoting non-adversarial divorce proceedings in Singapore.

With the sting of unreasonable behaviour being removed, DMA may pave the way for more uncontested divorces to take place.

The reason for the divorce only helps to end the marriage - it does not affect custody, maintenance or division of matrimonial assets.

Often spouses feel that if they rely on adultery, they will receive more maintenance or more share of assets during division.

This is not the case.

Negotiating the full terms of an uncontested divorce is difficult for the estranged couples.

They do not usually reach a settlement by themselves.

They need the help of family lawyers who often negotiate through lengthy correspondence.

Feelings, thoughts and emotions cannot be adequately expressed in correspondence.

This is where structured negotiations via Collaborative Family Practice comes in useful.

To find out more about this internationally well known way of reaching divorce settlements, DM me.

08/05/2024

Fathers and their kids:

Should fathers do more at home and in helping to raise their kids is one of the hot topics in Singapore.

This is part of the larger discussion of Singaporean mothers being supported at home and at work through flexi work arrangements.

Reading about the great need to support women, I feel men are caste off by the side.

Men too have their challenges. They dont take a lot about it. A story for another day.

I have observed many of my young dad-friends and my male clients being very hands-on dad, unlike their fathers and grandfathers.

We are on the righ track - of course more men can do more.

Men and women must be treated equally. No argument about that.

Does the law treat them equally when it has to decide on custody of children in divorce proceedings in Singapore?

NO.

Custody law in Singapore is 2 fold - custody and care and control.

Cuustody is the major decision making for children below 21 of age. The law prescribes joint custody - both parents must jointly decide on these issues.

But when it comes to care and control - who the children live with and who is the day to day caregiver, the law prefers mothers and awards them sole care and control.

Where is the equality? Shouldnt equality exist in all corners?

In society where parents are expected to contribute equally or as much, why is there a difference when the question of care and control arises?

Mothers, dont slam me! I appreciate the reasoning behind it. I agree that mothers play a significant role in nurturing young children.

This law came about pre- 21st century where many women were not dominant players in the workforce and in society.

This has changed today.

I advocate joint or shared care and control to both parents as a default.

+ This will send the message that both parents have equal rights to the children.

Access to children by the non-care and control parent (at times it includes mothers too) will be smoother.

Access is one of the most difficult practical problem where there are no good legal solutions faced post divorce by the parents, the family lawyers and the Singapore Courts.

+ Children will feel both parents are equally important and love them together.

The children do not have to take sides, be torn and grow up emotionally and psychologically affected by the "access war" between the parents.

+ It will reduce conflict between parents and promote co-parenting of children and will be congrugent to our best interests of children principle.

+ This will facilitate and be in line with the therapeutic justice approach the Singapore Family Courts are embarking on.

I am not promoting that the children's time should be split equally between both parents.

All I am saying - when the children is with a parent, each of them have care and control.

Believe it or not - the label of "shared cared and control" is very important to divorcing parents.

If some equality between men and women is to prevail, it should start with the Women's Charter.

The picture below is Mike Li a young very hands-on father to 2 adorable kids.

28/03/2024

2 clients sent me the messages in the picture below.

Friends who know that I am also a trained counsellor on top of being a family lawyer joke whether I am counselling clients or helping them in the Family Justice Courts.

I am clear about my many hats I wear.

I ask (under our Law Society Legal Professional Conduct Rules, we are expected to) whether the client has explored counselling and encourage them to attempt counselling.

I give them the 3 counsellors details who are in our Firm's Multi Disciplinary Team and advise them on how to approach counselling.

There are some who manage to reconcile.

I am very happy for them.

Marriage is a sacred institution and we must give all it takes to make it work.

I am a firm supporter of marriages, even though I am a family and divorce lawyer.

Marriage is hard work and to sustain it is even harder.

Counselling is an excellent form of therapy to repair broken down marriages and put them back onto the Road of Life.

It is heartening to learn from most of our clients that they had attempted counselling.

Often, one spouse is not equally committed to work on the counselling, feel that they do not have any problems or the counsellor is siding the other spouse.

It takes both the couple's committment and willingness to work together to save a marriage.

Family lawyers must also encourage the spouse to keep on trying and with the spouse's consent work together with the counsellor to support the spouse.

The various professionals cannot work on silo to help an estranged couple.

We must co-operate and collaborate.

18/03/2024

As I experience anxiety and stress now (more of that in later posts), I slowly understand why family and divorce clients behave the way they do.

We all experience different emotions, though we dont show it openly.

When we experience life changing moments like a breakdown of a marriage, lost of a child custody battle or an unfavourable Court order, we experience:

* Worry
* Tremendous stress
* Grief
* Sadness
* Loss
* Stress
* Anxiety
* Depression
* Bewilderment
* Frustration
* Shock
* Disbelief
* Anger
* Overwhelming emotions

Clients often transfer these emotions through their communications to their lawyers.

Family lawyers get stressed as a result.

How can these clients be supported:

1. Reflect to them how they sound and emote;
2. Ask them why they are expressing themselves in such a manner;
3. What can they do to cope better;
4. Ask them how we can support them;
5. Check in on them regularly.

In case you are thinking that I am asking the family lawyer to be a counsellor.

Not at all.

In the practice of Therapeutic Justice, the Singapore Family Court Judges are showing such care and support to couples during the Therapeutic Justice Co-Operative Conference and mediation sessions.

This method benefits couples in Court proceedings and provides some respite to family lawyers.

We should try out anything that helps the family eco system.

15/03/2024

Choosing a family and divorce lawyer:

When clients approach us to act for them, one of our question we ask who are the other spouse's lawyers.

Family lawyers, being first responders, play a significant role in helping a family or divorce client.

A client wants:

* end the emotional pain they are going through.

* end the pain quickly.

* Make the spouse understand:

- how they are feeling;
- why they are feeling in a certain way;
- what they want;
- why they want that; and
- get what they want.

* Family Law specialists:

Family and divorce law in Singapore has become a very specialised area of law involving not only law but social sciences and a range of soft skills such as Alternative Dispute Resolution, counselling and people skills.

Family law specialists and non specialists handle a case in different manners.

Commercial and civil litigation handle a divorce case in a very civil litigation style which is inapppropriate to a client.

* Peacemaker:

The focus in our Singapore Family Court is a non-litigation approach towards resolving family disputes.

If the lawyer is litigation-friendly, again the client is not well served. The approach will be akin to adding fuel to the "fire" in the couple's marriage.

Acrimony is heightened and more time and legal fees is involved in the resolution process.

* Mindful Litigation

Unnecessary Court applications need not be filed in contested proceedings.

Lawyer posturing through tone of correspondence, the volume of correspondence, showing their aggressiveness unnecessarily does not help a client's case.

How a client wishes to handle their divorce starts from the way they choose their lawyers.

When choosing a lawyer, a client should:

* consider whether their goals are aligned with that of the lawyer.

* their legal strategies.
*
* how open they are to out of court settlements.

13/03/2024

When a spouse hurries to complete a divorce:

In Singapore, every divorcing clients wishes for an uncontested divorce.

What is that?

When there is an agreement on:

* who is going to file for divorce?
* What is the legal reason for the divorce
* agreement on child custody
* agreement on maintenance for the children
* how to divide the matrimonial home and other assets.

A LOT of work needs to be done by the couple and their lawyers to reach an agreement and file for uncontested divorce.

Many a time, one spouse goes to his lawyer and sends draft uncontested divorce papers to the other spouse.

The other spouse is told to review the drafts and attend at the lawyers' office to just sign it and all is settled.

Is all really settled?

The spouse after receiving the papers is at times pressured to accept the terms.

Should they?

NO!

Many spouses have shared that they felt pressured in the midst of the varying degrees of emotions they were experiencing to sign the documents.

Whilst so much is going on, they have to agree to a set of divorce terms which can change their future.

This is just TOO MUCH to handle.

Many have regretted on agreeing to certain soon after the divorce is completed.

And they cannot change the terms after the divorce is finalised. They have to live with it.

What can such a spouse do?

* Breathe. Process your emotions. Take your time to be ready to handle the drafts. If you cannot handle the emotions, seek support and consult a counsellor.

* Lawyers' deadlines are not Court deadlines. You can ask for more time.

* Read through the drsfts and have a good think through.

* Seek the advice of your own lawyer and obtain clear legal advice.

* Consider the terms of the divorce order carefully.

* Take your time.

* If you are uncomfortable, instruct your lawyers to negotiate the terms.

* Dont despair or worry about costs. If you agree, make sure you can live with the terms with no regrets.

A contested divorce is not a bad thing.

Once that is filed, you have to attend mandatory Court mediation facilitated by a Judge-Mediator.

Most people reach an uncontested divorce there.

11/03/2024

No, we dont want to fight in Family Court!

All clients including HNW and UHNW clients want a peaceful divorce.

Nobody wants the draining, long, painful and costly time in Court.

We had a Court application served on our client to reverse the custody of a child which was in our client's favour.

Naturally, our client was very upset and emotional. There was so much he wanted to respond to in that Court application.

The application went through several rounds of Court mediation and settled.

Through every stage, our client got upset and wanted to litigate in Court.

We advised him that we can help him with the litigation. We did a pros and cons exercise of litigation.

The client understood where he stood in the eyes of the law. He relented.

And this happened many a time before the end of the case. We did the exercise over and over again.

He then decided the day in Court was not what he wanted.

Why do clients who initially want a peaceful divorce end up in the deep throes of litigation?

* Unreasonable spouse on the other side.

* The client's heightened unmanaged emotional state of mind.

* Wishing to hurt the other spouse through litigation.

This is but a small group, thankfully.

Most of these clients with proper advice will decide against fighting in Court.

They want to try their very best to collaborate with their spouses and work towards a peaceful settlement.

I categorically state it is in the hands of family lawyers on how they advise their clients during the clients' emotional moments.

It is the family lawyers' ethical duty to assist the clients to reach their goal of an uncontested divorce.

04/03/2024

The Child is Mine!

Last week, content creator Titus Low shared how he cannot work with his estranged wife to agree on his time with the child.

In family law lingo, this is known as child access.

I agree with him that child access is the most difficult separated and divorced parents.

Not only parents, family lawyers, therapists and the Family Court are also at the wits ends to find solutions for it.

There are no perfect solutions in our law.

Why do this problem exist?

* Parents are unable to deal with and overcome their bitter emotions which arose from the failed marriage even after the divorce is finalised.

* The parent who has care and control or physical custody of the child feel that they have won or the child is theirs only.

* The parent transfer their negativity towards the other parent onto the child. The child is "influenced", "brainwashed" or "poisoned".

In our lingo, it is known as parental alienation.

* The child is torn between both parents and may take the side of the parent he lives with.

He then says he doesnt want to spend time with the other parent.

What can be done?

* Legal recourse often doesnt solve the problem.

A Multi Disciplinary Team can look at the issue with a therapeutic justice lens. The team consists of the lawyers, counsellor, parent co-ordinators, child representatives and the Family Court working in alignment help the family.

It is about the parents and yet it is not.

The professionals especially the lawyers have to be dedicated to one single goal - how this issue will affect the child psychologically and affects him as a person in future.

This process takes a lot of work and a lot of time before we reach a solution.

I have and am handling such cases and it takes a couple of years to find a solution, to say the least.

So, my advice to Titus and other parents, perservere to find the best solution.

That solution is not perfect and may not meet your expectations.

Parenting is a journey. It is even harder when parents are divorced and cannot see eye to eye.

28/02/2024

How do you do this work?

In the last 21 years of being a full time family lawyer, I am always asked this question.

Isnt the work emotional?

How do you handle this?

Does it affect you?

And many more questions, I am asked.

There are many male family lawyers. I believe we bring a different perspective to the work.

Being very sensitive, emotional and having a low patience quota is already hard as a human for me.

It is even harder as a family lawyer.

The basic tenent is I care a lot - about people.

I want to do my part to assist, support, motivate and be a positive influence on others around me.

For today's family lawyer, being well versed in the law alone is not enough.

We have to be equipped in many soft skills.

I am grateful to seek and embrace these soft skills - collaborative family practice and counselling being in the top.

Studying Masters in Counselling some 4 years ago not only changed me as a person, taught me to understand myself better and to deal with my issues;

It helped me to be a better family lawyer and to serve our clients in a holistic manner.

Identifying the emotional and other behavioural issues and reflecting to them not only helps them;

It helps me to understand them better.

Different clients need different skills set in addition to legal advice.

Clients want to be heard and understood.

This is the starting point.

When we understand them better and show them we understand, we can then tell them:

"I understand and agree with how you feel. This is what the law says. Now, how do we marry what you feel and want and the legal requirements?"

This is a long working process.

With Time, good legal support and advice and other techniques such as negotiation, collaboration and Court mediation, clients do move and settle their divorce amicably.

Some clients need their day in Court, that is a post for a different day.

Lawyers play a very significant role in helping clients to settle matters amicably.

Hand on heart - Have we tried our very best to help our clients in the best manner they deserved to be helped?

27/02/2024

As we complete the 15th day of the Year of the Dragon, many of our clients will start focussing on their family and divorce matters from today.

Whilst cultural reasons are to be respected, we often take our time to take action on important personal matters at other times.

It is sometimes just difficult to take that step though we are advised by many to do so.

Fear of what may happen and the consequences of these actions is of much concern.

This paralyses us and the status quo is just so familiar and comfortable to be in.

How our decision affects our children and families is another decision.

In personal decisions, consulting family and being influenced by their decisions is common in the Asian culture.

As much as it is to be respected and understood, isnt this our life and we are stewards of it?

We can consider all views and make that personal decision.

Delaying matters. I often hear clients say, "I will wait for my child to finish PSLE next year." or "I am starting a new job" or "I am speaking to my spouse."

Later on, they share that they should not have waited for so long to take an action.

There is just no good or perfect time.

Ask yourself:

* How do I feel being in this situation?
* Do I want to get out of this situation?
* How can I get out of it?
* What are the resources and support do I need?
* How will my life be when I am out this?

Self-empowerment is a process.

Let us start today.

Address

1 North Bridge Road #08-08 High Street Centre
Singapore
179094

Opening Hours

Monday	09:00 - 18:00
Tuesday	09:00 - 18:00
Wednesday	09:00 - 18:00
Thursday	09:00 - 18:00
Friday	09:00 - 18:00

Telephone

+6565336451

Website

http://www.rajanchettiar.com/

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