25/09/2023
MY LIPS ONCE BETRAYED MY HEAD
Two years ago or thereabouts, I made an appearance a National Industrial Court in Abuja. When it was time for me to take the matter which always my business of the day at the court, I stood up.
In my mind, I had rehearsed how to properly and eloquently sway the judge while announcing my appearance but little did I know that the dev!l had his own plan for me😂😂😂😂
Now for knowledge sake, in our clime, umpires at that level are addressed as 'My Lord', 'Your Lordship' or generally as 'The Court'.
Those at the lower courts like the Magistrates, Customary and Area Courts are addressed as 'Your Worship' or 'Your Honour' or generally too, as 'The Court'.
My matter was called up but as I opened my mouth to announce appearance this, my my lips betrayed my head.
Instead of 'May my appearance please my Lord', to elegantly dance out of my pretty lips in agreement with my head, 'May Worship be pleased' rather jumped out like Zazuu totally severing any form of connection with my head😭😭😭
I was so loud and clear that all lawyers in front of me, beside me and behind me echoed 'huh' with their bombastic side eyes ripping me apart at the same time😭😭
Ewo Chim!, I don finally cast!🙆🙆😭😭😭😭
As I hurried to make the correction and address the Court properly, my eyes caught the judge's and she stirred at me with so much ven0m that if she could, she would have emptied it on me😭
Somehow, she was calm and listened on as I made the corrections. She took my appearance but while at it, her fierce eye balls kept of piercing deep down my very soul😭😭
Till I was done with my matter, I took extra care.
Fast forward to few days ago, I was a High Court in Abuja too. I had finished my matter but had to stay back in the Court room because I had an unfinished business at the Court's registry. Other matters were ongoing.
It got to the turn of a colleague, a young lawyer. His matter was called up for hearing. As he made way to announce his appearance, he made same mistake I had made 2 years ago.
He addressed presiding judge as 'Your Worship' instead of ' My Lord'. Before he landed, fear already gripped me. I thought the judge would reprimand him openly but then, that wasn't to be.
Everyone started murmuring, prompting the young lawyer to properly address the Court.
But before the lawyer could detect his error and make corrections, my Lord chuckled and said :
'Let him be. Immediately he addressed me as 'Your Worship'', I knew he must have known me form somewhere. I was a Magistrate for 17 years before I was elevated to the High Court. He must have made appearances before me when I was a Magistrate and he is yet to come to terms that I am now a High Court judge'. I see this often. It's not awkward.'
The judge smiled again.
I went "awwnnn"😘🥰
Those of us still seated at the bar who had waited for a blast, loosened up and smiled too😂
But as I smiled, I remembered the optical baptism of fire I had received when I found myself in the same situation about two years ago before a different judge😂😂😂😂😂
Different strokes for different people, I would say🤷🤷
Anyways, since that day, I resolved to address all umpires, irrespective of the Court as 'My Lord' whenever I appear before any of them.
This way, those at the superior Court, get their due accolade because e didn't dey easy and for those at the lower courts, addressing them as 'My Lord', is my own way of speaking into their future to rise to the higher bench.
Ya na eh, everyone is my Lord.🤣 That way, I land safely. I am fine. The judge is not offended. My colleagues are fine and the entire court is in perfect shape.
This one time, my lips did betray my head. Though the heavens didn't fall. Though both parts still share same apartment. Though my head still houses my lips but it has learnt to become more careful and not to trust the lips so much.
Chidinma Obilor
