01/01/2026
DIARY OF A LEGAL PRACTITIONER: THE MARRIAGE THAT EXISTED ONLY IN THE SHADOWS.
By Stanley K. Manduku, Advocate
There are marriages that are announced with ceremony and celebration, and there are others that exist quietly, known only to the people who live inside them. This was one of the latter. For nearly fifteen years, Mary Wanjiku had lived as a wife in every sense that mattered. She shared a home with Peter Otieno, raised children with him, managed the rhythms of family life, and stood beside him as his career grew. To neighbours, friends, and even extended family, they were husband and wife. But when the relationship finally collapsed, Mary discovered that the law demanded something more than shared years and shared lives. It demanded proof.
Peter denied that a marriage had ever existed. He acknowledged the relationship, admitted the children were his, but insisted that no formal union—customary, statutory, or otherwise—had ever taken place.
There had been no church wedding, no civil ceremony, and, he said, no completion of customary rites. What Mary saw as a marriage, Peter now described as cohabitation. Mary turned to the High Court, asking it to recognise what she believed was obvious: that theirs had been a marriage by conduct, one created and sustained over time. Without that recognition, she stood to lose not only legal status, but financial security, property rights, and dignity.
The case laid bare a tension that family courts increasingly confront. Kenyan society has evolved faster than its paperwork. Couples live together, raise families, acquire property, and build lives without formalising their unions. When relationships endure, the lack of documentation seems irrelevant. When they end, it becomes decisive.
Mary’s counsel argued that the law could not ignore reality. Fifteen years of cohabitation, public representation as husband and wife, shared children, and joint decision-making could not be dismissed as a casual arrangement. To do so would be to reward denial and punish commitment. The Court was urged to recognise a presumption of marriage arising from long cohabitation.
Peter’s response was clinical and firm. He argued that marriage, in law, is not accidental. It is created by defined processes—statutory, customary, or religious. Without evidence of those processes, no amount of cohabitation could convert a relationship into a marriage. He warned that recognising informal unions without clear proof would unsettle settled law and create uncertainty in family relations.
The Court was thus faced with a deeply human question framed in legal terms: when does a relationship cross the line from companionship into marriage?
In its judgment, the Court acknowledged the reality of modern relationships but returned to established legal principles. It reaffirmed that Kenyan law recognises a presumption of marriage where there is long cohabitation coupled with public repute. However, that presumption is not automatic. It must be supported by evidence showing that the parties intended to be married and conducted themselves as such in the eyes of the community.
In Mary’s case, the Court found the evidence incomplete. While cohabitation and children were proved, there was insufficient proof of public acknowledgment of marriage or completion of essential customary steps. The relationship, though long and meaningful, did not meet the legal threshold required to presume a marriage. Mary’s claim failed.
The decision was not a rejection of her lived experience. It was a reminder that the law, particularly in family matters, draws careful distinctions between social reality and legal status. The Court was clear that emotional investment and time alone cannot substitute legal recognition where the law demands certainty.
The principle that emerged was sobering but important. Cohabitation, even over many years, does not automatically create a marriage. The presumption of marriage arises only where there is clear evidence of intention, public repute, and compliance—substantial though not necessarily complete—with recognised marital frameworks. This decision matters because it speaks to a growing segment of Kenyan society. It warns couples that love and longevity, however sincere, do not protect legal rights unless accompanied by formal recognition. It reminds practitioners that family law is as much about evidence as it is about empathy. And it signals to courts the delicate balance between evolving social norms and legal certainty.
Family law often arrives too late, after love has faded and trust has broken. By then, the law can only work with what was done—or left undone—when things were whole. Some marriages end in divorce. Others end in denial. And some, like Mary’s, are discovered too late to have existed only in the shadows.
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