Appelbe Mediation

26/05/2020

Appelbe Mediation is volunteering with Covid 19 Mediators.
Susan Appelbe one of the volunteer mediators participating in a scheme providing free and confidential mediation service to frontline workers and first responders during the COVID-19 crisis. Our supports are intended to provide short-term strategies and agreements for the duration of the COVID-19 crisis which people may then wish to revisit through normal workplace/other channels, when time permits. Many situations may only exist in the context of these exceptional circumstances and resolve themselves as things return to normal.We work with experienced and accredited mediators who operate under the Mediators’ Institute of Ireland (MII) Code of Ethics.

Further information can be found on our website at www.covid19mediators.ie and we can be contacted using our email at [email protected].

29/04/2020

29/04/2020

The Mediator’s Institute of Ireland released a useful leaflet with tips for household Mediators during Covid 19

09/04/2020

We also offer online Mediation for family and commercial situations.

01/04/2020

For the week that is in it....
Esther Perel is a relationship expert. I love the video on bickering!

“We bicker all the time, she’s so critical of me and I don’t feel like I am doing anything right. What should I do?” – Anthony (Boston, MA) Ongoing criticism...

05/03/2020

Who gets the family home in a Divorce?
In my work as a mediator for separating couples facing a divorce,a concern is often about the family home.
There are a few questions I ask first to get a better picture of the position.These include the following:

What is the length of the marriage?Who brought what to the marriage?For example was the house inherited by one party prior to the marriage?What other assets are owed by the couple?Is there children?What stage are the children at? Is there any special needs or other relevant circumstances? Who is the the primary caregiver? Is there alternative suitable accommodation available?
Is there a mortgage?What is the amount of the loan versus the value?If so whose names are on the mortgage?
When there is a mortgage in joint names the bank will have to approve the application for the remaining partner on their own grounds for the sum of money in order to remove the other partners’ name.When both parties are named on the mortgage this means that both people are liable for the full sum should the other default.As a rule of thumb people can borrow 3 times their salary and then this is stress tested.
The value of the equity and the house prices are of course key.

The reality is that there is no clear answer to this and the legal advice should be sought on the exact circumstances.

What is clear is that agreeing the matters between the parties is cheaper, easier than going to court.
I have had many clients living with their children in toxic environment with warring parents and neither parent willing to budge. In fact the hardest family meditations that I do are the ones where they are still living together.In my meditation practice I like to keep a very child centered focus and hate to see tactical decisions like not leaving the house cause emotional damage to children.As a mediator my role is not to decide what is fair, instead it is to help the parties to the separation to find a solution that works for everyone.

Susan Appelbe has a law degree and is a solicitor however solely practices as a Mediator and does not give legal advice. The above is nor legal advice and legal advice should be sought. Susan works as a family law mediators for couples facing separation or divorce.

11/02/2020

mii_approvedmediator2016

11/11/2019

It was great to see the rights of the father getting considered in the Report on Reform of the family Law System from the Joint Committee on Justice and Law Reform.
Issues raised for men were the poor outcomes for men in the family courts, the poor access to legal advice since they may not qualify for legal aid and not be able to afford private legal representation. Additionally the report mentions the “winner-takes-all solution in which the man is removed from the home. He may still have to pay maintenance and a mortgage as well as provide for himself.”
My experience of this as a mediator is the relationship can be very toxic with the whole family dragged into the issues. Men can be slow to leave the family home since they feel that it will be a disadvantage to them in court proceedings and a very stressful situation continues until the matter gets aired in costly court proceedings. Access can be allocated by the court in a manner which is totally impracticable for the family. An example I regularly see is access on week day afternoons by court order for the father causing difficulty with his employment.
Dr. Roisin O’ Sheas input was that fathers were regularly seen as the secondary parent. 97% of the time the fathers are the non resident parent

The report highlights the position of the unmarried father and the fact that he does not get automatic guardianship, even if he is listed as the father on the birth certificate.30% of children born every year are born to unmarried parents.

The report is available by clicking on this link.
https://www.oireachtas.ie/en/committees/32/justice-and-equality/

17/10/2019

National Woman’s Enterprise Day calls for a bit of shameless self promotion don’t you think! If not on National Woman’s Enterprise day then when?
So while I am busy clapping myself on the back please busy yourselves by clicking into my fabulous website detailing the services I am providing to rave reviews.

Welcome to Appelbe Mediation Conflict is stressful. Conflict is expensive. Most people do not choose to live in high conflict situations and would like to find a way of resolving disputes. However sometimes the main routes of good communication have been closed by the conflict. Mediation, a form of....

13/10/2019

16/09/2019

Interesting read for all those in dispute over maintenance.
It would be great to see some certainty for separating couples in terms of maintenance in the Irish legal system.

State needs to step in with guidance and support on maintenance, says lone parents’ organisation

05/06/2019

" Mediation works towards long-term solutions for the disputing parties. If there is an ongoing relationship between the parties, mediation can help the parties to plan how they will engage into the future". https://bit.ly/2Mcn4x1