08/09/2026
I’m going to say something that I suspect some people will strongly disagree with.
I don’t think children need to spend 50% of their time with each parent to have two equally important parents.
There.
I said it.
And before anyone thinks I’m saying children shouldn’t have lots of time with both parents — that’s absolutely not what I’m saying.
I think children can benefit enormously from having a strong relationship with both parents.
But I’ve started to wonder whether we’ve become too focused on making the amount of time equal.
Because parenting isn’t a mathematical equation.
50/50 doesn’t automatically mean:
better parenting.
And 60/40 doesn’t automatically mean:
one parent is less important.
A child could spend more nights with one parent and still have an incredibly strong relationship with the other.
They might spend less time with one parent but that time could be meaningful, consistent and important to them.
And there are so many things that can affect whether an arrangement actually works.
School.
Distance between homes.
Parents’ working patterns.
The child’s age.
Their activities.
Their friendships.
Their own wishes and feelings.
The level of conflict between the parents.
And simply how the child copes with moving between two homes.
That’s why I struggle with the idea that we should start with a percentage and then try to make the family fit around it.
Shouldn’t we start with the child and work out what arrangement actually works for them?
Of course, I completely understand the other side.
If both parents want meaningful involvement in their child’s life, why should one automatically get substantially more time than the other?
That’s a perfectly reasonable question.
And I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all answer.
Some children may thrive with something close to 50/50.
Others absolutely might not.
So here’s where I’d really like to hear people’s experiences.
Do you think equal parenting requires equal time?
Can a 60/40 or 70/30 arrangement still give a child two equally important parents?
And should the starting point be “equal time” — or “what works best for this particular child”?
👇 What’s your view?
I’d genuinely like to hear both sides.
Please keep the discussion respectful. There are parents reading this who will have experienced shared care from very different perspectives.
