Costa Law

12/08/2024

We all need purple capes/t shirts, because we continue to do the work of 2-3-4-5 or more persons without recognition

Yep, that's me 🤣🤣🤣

12/08/2024

“Our husbands are nice, decent, well-meaning guys. They just never learned how to balance household obligations.”

It’s the premise of every book on household equality, and every how-to guide for getting husbands to take on more of the labor. Just communicate better and it will all work out! He’s just too stupid to know any better!

Writers of these guides believe they’re offering a soft feminism that will appeal to the masses. They think that you have to be nice to men to get them on board. Apparently they’ve never met men, most of whom will do anything to avoid household labor no matter how nice their partners are.

The insistence that men who exploit their partners’ labor are “nice” does a lot of heavy lifting for patriarchy. It gaslights women, gives men more credit than they deserve, and deliberately avoids getting to the root of the problem.

If men can steal their partners’ time and lives, ignore their partners’ needs for decades, emotionally check out, or weaponize emotional abuse to get more free labor, they are not nice. Yet we insist, culturally, on labeling virtually all men as nice and decent.

https://zawn.substack.com/p/the-myth-of-the-bumbling-nice-guy

12/08/2024

That’s a reality in family courts across the land. During McfD/children’s Aid meetings. Police calls. Neighbors, questioning police attendance. “Friends“ asking “why didn’t you leave?”, “why did you make him angry?”, “why won’t you/the children ‘obedient”?

Patriarchal justice

12/08/2024

Someone agrees with me!? if I hear one more time that I’m resilient, or that the gremlins are a part of my immediate family or resilient by nature, I may scream and or swear.

12/08/2024

Amen

Cristal clear

12/08/2024

Women aren't human shields. It's essential to remember that everyone deserves safety and protection. Using any individual as a shield is a violation of their basic human rights. Exploiting someone's perceived vulnerability is never acceptable. Instead, we should strive for a society where everyone feels valued and secure. Let's work together to build a world where such actions are unthinkable.

12/08/2024

"Emotional labor and household equity are having a cultural moment. And like any political or philosophical issue that becomes trendy, the public discussion of these issues greatly oversimplifies them, and almost completely ignores the power dynamics.

We tell women to read the right book, communicate in the right way, hire the right expert, and go to therapy. Because of course all work must fall to the woman. We pretend that these issues are due to a misunderstanding, and that both partners are equal victims, rather than arguing the ugly reality: Men benefit from these dynamics, and will do just about anything to maintain them. Patriarchy is a system designed for men’s benefit, and marriage functions as a powerful tool of patriarchy. The inequality in your marriage is no accident.

There’s power in understanding that we are operating within a system, rather than an individual relationship. For two years now, I’ve written about the highly predictable ways men respond when their partners demand better. I’ve found that there is a pattern to their justifications, designed to buy time and more free labor (and often, designed to extract obligation s*x, too).

This is the patriarchal playbook. It’s the collection of false beliefs and hollow arguments men learn from a patriarchal society that has destroyed their ability to think critically and relate to partners as equals.

So what can you expect when you demand equality from your male partner?"

https://zawn.substack.com/p/what-happens-when-women-demand-household

12/08/2024

From now through December 6th, I’m running my semi-annual membership drive. Get a discount of 20% on a monthly or annual newsletter subscription, as well as free merch (stickers, sticky notes, etc)! To get your free merch, simply email your MAILING address to [email protected] after purchasing a new paid subscription.

You will also permanently lock in your membership fee, ensuring the rate never goes up as long as you remain a subscriber. That’s a good thing, since I’ll be raising prices after the member drive for the new year. The price increase will not affect current subscribers, but if you are a current subscriber, please do not unsubscribe to re-subscribe at the sale rate; this rate is for new subs only. You can get the discount if you give a gift to someone else, though!

Get your sub or buy a gift for someone at the link in my bio, or at https://zawn.substack.com/subscribe

Here's a sample of the kind of work subscribers enjoy:

"A few years ago, I stumbled across a blog giving men advice on having s*x with their partners after pregnancy. Written by a self-described feminist man, the now-deleted post argued that it’s normal for men to call their partners names and scream at them after giving birth because, of course, childbirth is stressful (for dads, apparently). So men must work to get their abused and struggling partners in the mood.

This centering of men, this letting men off the hook, has become a cornerstone of postpartum discourse.

We tell women to be patient with their husbands, because the poor dears may not be able to immediately step up. Women, of course, must always be baptized by fire, with no option to not set up.

We suggest that a man’s abusive behavior might be because of “male postpartum depression.”

We talk about how new parenthood is stressful for “both parents.” Pretending that the burdens of parenthood are equal in a patriarchal society does not make it true, but it sure does obscure the burden women face."

https://zawn.substack.com/p/men-not-hormones-are-the-leading

12/08/2024

12/08/2024

Gender based hatred and violence. Age based hatred and violence. The despicable belief that women and children continue to be property, in and out of the Legal world, must end. If we all agreed that it must end, the first step is to acknowledge it. If we continue pretending that equality and equity exists for women and children, we will all continue getting worse families, homes, communities, institutions, planet. whether you like it or not. Whether you agree or not. You do not own us. You may thank you too, but our spirit, our goals, our dreams, our identities remain free from your ownership, entitlement, hatred, and violence.

11/20/2024

See the Canadian Women's Foundation's: The Signal For Help - Responder's Action Guide

https://signalresponder.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2024/06/EN-SFH-Responder-Action-Guide.pdf