Joan Cotie Mediation & Consulting Ltd.

03/27/2024

Wee will be closed to celebrate the holiday with family this weekend, Friday March 29 and Monday April 1st. Enjoy and rejuvenate. 🐰

06/29/2022

Our offices will be closed this Friday to celebrate our country! Happy Canada Day.❤️

09/25/2021

Our office will be closed to reflect, on September 30th, the National Day for Truth & Reconciliation

12/17/2020

To celebrate the holidays and family, the office will be closed from December 18 to January 4/20. Please have a safe, quiet holiday with your household and we’ll see you in 2021, with hopes for a fabulous year.

06/12/2020

Uncertainty caused by the pandemic can bring stress, fear, even panic. Tania Perlin offers tips for self-care and compassion that can ease our anxiety and help us manage our lives.In the eye of the storm

Two weeks ago, I listened with disbelief to the news that schools will remain closed after March Break, and then with a further shock that many courts would be closed until further notice. The continuous news feed, telling us to stay home, social distance from others, and close businesses are creating palpable fear.

The knee jerk reaction for most of us is to panic. Our clients are scrambling to get their mediation dates pushed up, asking if we can do remote mediations. Parties are calling lawyers and paralegals asking for advice regarding emergency matters and court hearings. Those involved in family litigation are very concerned that their motions for custody, spousal support, and other pressing issues will not be heard for an indefinite period of time.

The stress of these uncertain times is greatly multiplied for those going through the litigation process. Litigation itself encompasses and swallows one’s life in a cloud of uncertainty and darkness. It causes parties to literally put their lives on hold, sometimes for years. It depletes mental and physical energy, finances, and at times, hope. Each litigant knows that feeling of hopefulness when heading to court for a motion or hearing, the hope that maybe today will be the end of this hell and life can return to normal, only to exit the courthouse feeling dejected and hopeless, as the wheels of the process turn at a very slow pace.

On top of this daily reality faced by litigants, current court closures and restrictions have added a whole new dimension to the seemingly endless litigation journey.

Reframing and taking control

My parents came to Canada as refugees from the former Soviet Union.

In order to get here, they went through many difficulties, from religious persecution to indefinite waiting in refugee hubs, not knowing what awaited them. They left everything they knew in order to ensure freedom for their children. The lesson that they imparted to me was to stay in the moment. No matter how uncertain life seems, focus on what’s in front of you.

My parents chose to control what they could and let go of things they could not. It was not easy, but it helped them survive.

The present situation may seem very dark, especially for litigants who are waiting to resolve family law cases where children are involved. However, I would suggest reframing current events and finding purpose within the havoc.

For once, everyone is in the same boat. For the first time, all litigants are facing the same closures and delays, which are unaffected by one’s ability to hire a lawyer.

We cannot control the 24/7 news feed, other people’s behavior, government directives, court, and other closures, or COVID-19 itself. What we can control is ourselves. We can be accommodating to other litigants, and help find alternative ways to resolve cases. If courts are closed, private mediations are still available through video conferencing. Talking to the other side about settlement and perhaps coming to an interim agreement, which could become a final one.

Recognizing that in one moment, everything can change gives us a different perspective on what is really important in our lives, and what we want to accomplish through the litigation process. Fostering kindness and compassion will serve all of us well, even after the current crisis is over.

Taking action

If your dispute is not one that lends itself to mediation or out of court settlement, I would encourage you to deal with fear and uncertainty in other pragmatic ways. Court closures and getting cases heard is something that you can’t control. We know that our minds tend to create doomsday scenarios that add to the stress of litigation.

Here are some practical ways to help deal with fearful thoughts. (These techniques may also help manage stress during litigation.)

Consider reducing your news consumption. The fear and panic created by the continuous newsfeed are affecting mental health and exacerbating symptoms of anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
Every time you have a fearful thought, say the word STOP; then bring yourself to the present moment. Look around you and find five things you can see, four things you can smell, three things you can touch (following social distancing and safety directives, of course), two things you can taste, and one thing you can feel. You can then say to yourself, “Even though it’s stressful not knowing when I will get to resolve this case, I cannot control this. I can either use this time to live in fear and panic, or I can use this time to do something positive for me.” Read a book, catch up on work, do a craft, spend time with family, etc.
A good way to combat fearful thoughts and anxiety is to do something for someone else. You can still video chat with someone who may need to see a friendly face. Or you could text or email those who are alone and would love words of encouragement. Some of my clients have created video group calls while they talk and eat lunch from their respective homes.
Walking in nature, yoga, tai chi, dancing, or any other physical activity that takes your mind away from ruminating thoughts, recharges, and energizes the mind and body.
Meditation also gives your mind a break from ruminating thoughts and lets your body and mind recharge. There are numerous meditations on YouTube for all levels of expertise, which are very helpful for those wanting to start a meditation practice.
Your practice does not have to involve sitting in a lotus position for a long time. It could be as easy as focusing on relaxing music for a little while and bringing your focus back to the music every time your mind wanders.
Measured breathing is a great way to reduce uncomfortable bodily sensations. For example: take a belly breath (diaphragm breathing) to a count of 4, hold to a count of 5, then release to a count of 6.
Doing this a few times will send a message to your body that all is well and will create a calming effect. You can find diaphragm breathing demonstrations on YouTube. https://www.healthlinkbc.ca/health-topics/uz2255
Patience is hard to cultivate when all you want to do is get this ordeal over with. In time, life will get back to normal, but meanwhile, we can all do our part by fostering kindness, compassion, accommodation, and love toward our fellow human beings. Remember: this too shall pass. We have the potential to come out of this storm a better, stronger, kinder, and healthier society. It’s all up to us.

Tania Perlin, Toronto, Canada

Looks at how breathing exercises can help with stress relief. Includes step-by-step instructions for exercises like belly breathing, 4-7-8 breathing, and morning breathing. Offers links to more info on managing stress with guided imagery and meditation.

03/26/2020

These are difficult times for all but I believe even more so for those dealing with family issues outside of those caused by Covid-19.

I continue to work from my home office to provide services to current clients and wanted to let you know of the services I can offer to clients or to your staff/yourself, as we navigate what the new normal will look like in family law matters. People are scared and this makes the accusations and vitriol between parties even more difficult. With the court closures there are less ways to resolve family conflict. As we all know this could lead to a rise in domestic violence and there need to be options available to assist these folks.

I have conducted mediation for years through the use of distance platforms. I currently use Zoom and find it to be very effective. All meetings are done through videoconferencing and there are no tricks to using the service. I send a link and you/they click on it. This can also be done with phones, laptops, desktops, so most people can connect. I am happy to give you an online demonstration of how this works, if you wish. I am also happy to work with counsel present or with parties on their own. I also conduct much work with self-represented parties and if your opposing party is a self-rep, I can assist.

Of course, phone meetings can also be used to connect with clients and counsel.

I am available to conduct mediations, med/arbs, parent or divorce coaching, consultations around parenting plans to deal with the Covid-19 crisis, parenting coordination, and report writing (211 reports, Hear the Child, Views of the Child, and Gladue).

As we do not know what will happen tomorrow or next week or next month, I am offering interim services to assist you and families get through to the next steps in planning for your families. Some families will need short term solutions and quick resolution of a single issue or many issues.

Mediation and Mediation/Arbitration:

As most of you know, I am a Chartered Mediator, Chartered Arbitrator and Certified Family Arbitrator.

Through the use of online platforms and communication, I am offering these opportunities through mediation and med/arb services always but especially while the court system is shut down. As well, I offer a sliding scale fee for those who cannot afford an in-depth med/arb or mediation process. We can design the process necessary for your clients. I invite you to contact me to discuss how this can work for your clients who are vulnerable and looking for solutions. If you wish, clients may also contact me directly to set up services. My experience has shown that the online versions of mediation and med/arb tend to be shorter in duration and therefore cost less for folks than in person processes. However, this does not make it any less viable and useful to resolve the issues.

Arbitral awards can be quick and a verbal award can be made if necessary, with a written award to follow.

Parent Coaching and Divorce Coaching:

I am also available to work with families to assist the parties through the interim until the world rights itself and longer term planning can be done. I offer coaching to both parents to help them work together for their families sake and plan for the foreseeable future. I am happy to speak with counsel about the process or have your clients contact me directly. We set up a contract for short term coaching and can be flexible around timelines and costs for this work.

Parenting Coordination

I continue to offer parenting coordination in the same manner as always, as all of my PC work is done through online or distance communication, on most files.

If there are files you wish to begin parenting coordination with, please do not hesitate to contact me. I believe folks will find this preferable to the doubt and questions that are plaguing them now, as to what is happening for children transitioning between parents, and how decisions are being made by parents.

Report Writing

I continue to offer Hear the Child, and Views of the Child reports at this time. The average child these days is more online savvy than many of us and are quite comfortable talking to someone through videoconferencing. It continues to be vital to hear the views of the children, and to make responses to family law matters reflect these views and needs. Let’s not leave the children out while we struggle to find new ways to operate as a legal profession.

As well, I am able to conduct full 211 reports at this time. All portions of a 211 report up to the observation of families, can be done by distance. I am working on ideas with colleagues as to how to handle the observations by distance, and will keep you updated. However, these observations do not begin until about one month into the process and therefore, all other work can be completed before that time.

I continue to write Gladue Reports for clients and invite you to ask me about these services.


I hate to think families will need to wait until the courts reopen and then wait another 6-12 months to get these processes up and running before they can have resolution of their issues. Let’s keep them in mind and give them options to ensure clients are not stuck in the place they currently find themselves, for what could be a very long time.

As I said, I am willing to offer services at a lower rate and will discuss this with you as we consult. Please give me a call and let me know what you need to assist families or other clients, through this difficult time. They are looking to professionals to help and although we need to change on the fly, I think we can do it if we work together.

As a final note, I am here for anyone who just needs to talk. That means you. IF you are feeling overwhelmed, unsure, anxious, please do not hesitate to call or email and we can just chat. We are all in this together. Let’s stay together and offer support as needed. JUST STAY HOME if you can and be careful if you cannot.

03/02/2019

Section 211 reports (Custody Evaluations/Assessments) have become a big part of my work and I am enjoying positive responses to the reports. Give me a call to assist you or your clients with an assessment of your family.

12/22/2018

We will be closed for Christmas to celebrate with family. We wish you the best holidays and peace and love now and all year.

11/09/2018

Attending the AFCC symposium on Child Custody evaluations in Denver.
Learning lots to improve my service to clients receiving Section 211 reports.

06/11/2018

Looking forward to 2 days of learning with colleagues about arbitration and mediation

06/11/2018

Heading off to the ADRBC Symposium to hear many insightful speakers and learn more to assist future clients.

05/31/2018

Hey all you PI lawyer’s and clients, I have trained, practiced, participated in mediations and am ready to take on files. Give me a call and let’s chat, if you have any questions or are just curious.
Looking forward to this new endeavour.