22/10/2023
HOW CHILDREN'S AGES SHOULD BE TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT IN PARENTING ARRANGEMENTS AFTER SEPARATION
Going through a separation or divorce can be a challenging experience for families, especially when it comes to determining parenting arrangements. While there are many factors to consider when implementing care arrangements for children, the age of your children is an essential factor. For example, a parenting arrangement that works best for an infant may not be the same as the one that works best for a teenager.
Following are some of the different factors to consider when implementing parenting arrangements or creating a parenting plan for children of different ages. Please note, the following information is aimed at situations where parties and children both feel safe around each parent.
Infants and Toddlers
Infants and toddlers require a lot of attention and care, and it is essential to prioritise their needs when creating a parenting plan. For very young children, it is usually in their best interest to have frequent and consistent contact with both parents. This can include frequent visits with a parent who does not have primary care, regular phone or video calls, and depending on age and the individual child, possibly even overnight visits
It's also important to consider the child's attachment to each parent. If the child has a stronger attachment to one parent, it may be necessary to establish a gradual transition period to ensure the child feels comfortable with both parents.
Pre-schooler
Pre-schoolers are becoming more independent, but they still require a lot of support and structure from their parents. When creating a parenting plan for a pre-schooler, it's essential to consider their routine and the daily activities that they enjoy. This can include things like meals, naptime, playtime, and bedtime.
It's also important to ensure that both parents are involved in the child's life and have a clear understanding of their needs. If it is safe and you are comfortable speaking to the other parent, that should involve regular communication between parents and a willingness to cooperate and collaborate to provide the best possible care for the child.
School-aged Children
School-aged children have more independence and may have more opinions about their parenting arrangements. It is important however that parent do not simply ‘let children choose’ at this age. After a separation, children often experience anxiety and divided loyalties to each parent. To ask a child to choose may put that child in an extremely difficult situation. Children need to know that the adults are in control, are working together (where possible) and will tell them what parenting arrangements will be put in place. When creating a parenting plan for a school-aged child, it's important to consider their schedule, extracurricular activities, and social life. This can include things like school pickups and drop-offs, after-school activities and playdates.
It is also important to consider the child's emotional needs and to ensure that ideally, both parents have a strong and positive relationship with the child. This can involve regular communication, shared decision-making, and a willingness to put the child's needs above their own. What may feel ‘fair’ from a parent’s point of view may not be in that child’s best interests at this particular time.
Teenagers
Teenagers are becoming more independent and may have their own ideas about their parenting arrangements. Once a child enters their teenage years, it is usually important to put more weight on their expressed wishes. When creating a parenting plan for a teenager, it's important to consider their social life, school schedule, and extracurricular activities. It is also important to give teenagers more autonomy and control over their schedule and activities.
While teenagers may have more independence, it is still important that where possible, they maintain a strong and positive relationship with both parents. This can involve regular communication, shared decision-making, and a willingness to listen to the teenager's opinions and concerns.
Conclusion
Parenting arrangements after separation should differ depending on the age of the children. It is necessary to consider each child's routine, emotional needs, and level of independence when creating these arrangements. By prioritising the child's needs above your own and working together to provide the best possible care, parents can help their children adjust to the changes in their family and thrive in their new living arrangements.
