01/26/2023
Today's topic: Why a using a family member as a visitation supervisor is a really BAD idea. I could go on and on about this...........
1. The family member is going to be biased towards, or very occasionally, against the visiting parent. The supervisor needs to be objective. Supervised visitation is hard enough for the visiting parent without having someone gunning for you. If the supervising family member is biased towards the visiting parent, it is often at the cost of the child. This brings us to number 2.
2. Family members are UNTRAINED. Often the family member is a parent. The parent who taught the visiting parent their parenting skills........due to this, the supervising family member may not see that certian behaviors or parenting choices are inappropriate, because they do it too, and it seems ok to them. A professional supervisor has education/training in the field. They know what to look for, and how to redirect. They are not emotionally invested in the visiting parent.
3. Family members also tend to take sides. A professional has only ONE priority; what is best for the child and their relationship with the visiting parent.
4. Family members are easily manipulated because they are known to the visiting parent.
5. Family members aren't as attentive during the visitation. They don't watch 100% of the time, they tend to trust the visiting family member ('I'll just be gone for a minute, nothing bad can happen in a minute").
6. Family members are often in collusion (passively or intentionally) with the visiting parent. This doesn't serve the needs of the child.
7. Family members typically DO NOT document the visit. Because of this, the are no real records of what occurred during the visit, and recollections on details vary and become more and more unclear with the passage of time.
8. Family members can be a distraction. Frequently, the child may want to spend more time with the supervising family member than the visiting parent. This defeats the entire purpose of visitation.
9. The supervisor should be someone the child can trust and speak freely with, without concern of their feelings or comments getting back to the visiting parent. And consequently having to worry about the visiting parent retaliating if they don't like what the child has said.
We could go on and on, right? The point is, supervision is ordered because there is behavior going on between the visiting parent and the child that is in some way concerning to the Court.
The Courts intent is to protect the child AND discover if any inappropriate behavior is occurring.
That intent can't really be served if the visitation supervisor is someone who is personally and emotionally invested in the outcome.
That intent can't be served if there is no documentation of what occurred during the visit.
And that intent can't be served if the supervisor is unable to intervene and/or redirect behaviors that are inappropriate.
In order for the Court's intent and needs for OBJECTIVE information to be collected, and OBJECTIVE interventions to be provided, the supervisor must be someone who has training and experience in the field of supervision. Just because someone is a parent, doesn't make them a good visitation supervisor, as not all parents are good parents.
The supervisor must be 100% focused on the visit and the interactions between the child and the visiting parent 100% of the time and they must document and report EVERYTHING they see and hear, before, during and after each visit.
This is especially true, and frankly, CRITICAL in contentious situations where the parents are at war with each other and often weaponize their children against each other. This is a HORRIBLE situation to put a child in, and in these cases especially, it is ESSENTIAL that a professional supervisor be used.
Most importantly, the neutrality of the supervisor is the ONE thing, more than any other, that makes the child feel safe. They know that if there is an inappropriate situation, the supervisor will intervene, and if necessary, end the visit to protect the child. Family members are less likely to do this, and if they attempt it, they are often ineffective or unsuccessful. And the child suffers as a result.
Often, the visitation supervisor is the ONLY person involved in the case who sees how the child interacts with both parents. This information is also critical.
It is our hope at Loving Arms to provide the BEST and most OBJECTIVE supervision possible. In doing this, we hope to keep the child safe, while at the same time encouraging appropriate interactions and parenting, and improving the parent/child relationship.
If you have questions, or require our services, we would be delighted to hear from you!
