06/18/2025
I understand that a statement like this causes the hair to stand up on the backs of many fathers’ necks. So let me explain. Countless 'good' fathers are not in a position where they can love the mothers of their kids. To begin with, please note that I said 'best,' not 'good.' Under normal circumstances, children tend to form a stronger bond with their mothers. I know that to be true in my household because I’ve paid close attention to what they do for their mother on Mother’s Day compared to what I receive on Father’s Day. I’ll just say, it’s different. I know my kids love me (well, at least that’s what I choose to believe. Helps me sleep at night), but if their mother and I were in a rowboat that sprung a leak, and they had only one life vest to toss us, I don’t think I’d be wise to make it to shore wearing that life vest.
Years ago, I was blessed to conduct character-based abstinence and relationship training in high schools to tens of thousands. I’d ask the kids if their dad came to them, assuming they had fathers, and said, 'Guys, I’m sorry. I wanted to get you a particular gift, but if I get you that, I won't be able to give your mother hers.' One hundred percent of the kids, even those without involved fathers, said, "Take care of Mom. I'm good." My point is this: Can I truly be considered the “Best” dad, regardless of how devoted I am to my children, when the person who means the most to them is just another woman who was in my life? Even though I have 44 years (in a few more months, if I can hold on), in no way does that suggest that I place myself in the ‘best’ father category; it simply qualifies me because I’m in a position to meet what I consider the primary qualification—treating their mother as queen. Standing shoulder to shoulder, day in and day out, 24/7, 365, through the good and the bad, meeting her needs, then mine. In my opinion, that puts that father above those who don't or can't. All kids feel better about themselves and us when they see us responding to their mother that way. The more we obey the command in Ephesians 5 to love our kids' mother the way Christ loved the Church with a sacrificial love, a steadfast love, and a servant love, it shifts us from that 'good' category into the 'best.'
Many of us will recall when we sat shoulder to shoulder with our spouse, and our three-year-old would beaugard their way in between us. If they saw us hugging, kissing, or wrestling with her, they wanted in on it. It supports the notion that God’s original plan of one man, one woman for life is best. Again, I’m not suggesting I can’t be a ‘good’ dad if I’m not in a position to consider their mother as queen. But I hope we all agree that ‘good’ becomes bad when it keeps us from the ‘best.’
I understand that the ship has sailed for many ‘good’ fathers. My prayer for each of us is that we will help challenge the trendy philosophy that’s spread through our community like cancer, hollowing it out from the inside: that conceiving kids without being genuinely committed to their mother, if their goal is to be considered the ‘best’ father, will not get them there. I’m praying that, whatever our circumstances may be, we will convey that to some young man, somewhere. If we do, years later, on their annual day, they’ll look back and thank God that someone cared enough to tell them the truth. God bless you!
