Gone but never forgotten

05/03/2026

05/03/2026

I LOVE AND MISS YOU, JARETH, TREVORANDAARON. SENDING HUGS AND KISSES.

05/03/2026

It begins the moment they are gone, and there is no going back to the life you knew before. That life ends, and another one takes its place without your consent.
You did not choose it, and you cannot undo it.
You are forced into it, carrying the absence of the person you love into every day that follows. Nothing feels familiar, even when everything looks the same. The places, the routines, the people around you may remain, but they no longer hold the same meaning.
You are still here, but the world you are in, the life you are in, is no longer yours.
This second life feels endless. There is no finish line, no point where you can say you are done. You live inside it, and grief is built into its foundation.
Slowly, slowly, we learn how to live inside this life. We learn how to stand in it, how to keep breathing, how to move through its days without crumpling at every turn. We find ways to keep going. It is not a choice as much as it is the only option.
Even after we adapt to our current lives, we never stop longing for the time that came before. We carry our past within us, clinging to the person we used to be and the person we love. This longing never truly fades away, and personally, I think it never should.

05/03/2026

I remember the first time somebody said this to me.

They meant it as some kind of affirmation of their own love and my perceived strength. It felt like a slap in the face.

Because I knew two things they did not: (1) I loved my son as fiercely as any mother could but that couldn’t keep him safe; and (2) I didn’t have a choice about surviving.

09/29/2025

09/29/2025

Dad, Jareth, Trevor and Aaron. I have cried 😭 😢 🤧 so much My tears could fill a large swimming pool. I will never get over you .

09/03/2025

A fragile wing rests soft and still 🦋
Upon a stem, the air grown chill 🍃
It whispers pain that hearts must bear 💔
A love now gone, no longer there 😢

The wound may heal, yet leaves a scar 🌑
That follows us where shadows are 🌙
We never truly mend inside 🪞
We learn to walk though tears we hide 💧

The ache remains, though faint, though near 🌫️
It lingers softly year by year ⏳
We carry loss, we carry pain 🕊️
Yet still we rise and breathe again 🌹

For broken hearts still beat, still move ❤️
And ache becomes the proof of love 💞

— Tears of Memory

09/03/2025