Loveday Civil and Commercial Mediation

09/03/2024

How should I end a relationship?

What's the best way to break up with someone?

Relationships end for a lot of reasons. Maybe you’re not happy with your partner, or maybe you just don’t want to be in a relationship right now. Whatever the reason, breaking up can be tough. These tips may help:

Prepare. Think about what you're going to say in advance. You may even want to practice on a friend or in front of a mirror, or write out your thoughts.

Pick the right spot. Talk to your partner somewhere that’s comfortable for both of you. If you’re worried about safety, somewhere public might be the best choice.

Say it in person. If you feel safe, talk to your partner face to face. E-mailing, texting, or talking on the phone may sound easier, but it’s usually not the best option. And don’t ask a friend to deliver the news for you.

Be respectful. If your partner asks you why you’re breaking up with them, be honest — it could help them have better relationships in the future. But don’t insult them or try to hurt them.

Make a clean break. If you really want to be friends, that’s fine. But if you’re just saying “let’s be friends” to let your partner down easier … don’t. It can lead to more hurt feelings. Even if you plan to stay friends, give your partner some space. It may help to take a break from seeing or talking to each other for awhile.

Stick with your decision. If you feel like you’re doing the right thing, don’t let your partner try to convince you to stay together. It’s normal for someone to cry or get upset during a breakup, and that can be really hard to deal with. But feeling bad or guilty isn’t a reason to stay in a relationship.

How can I get over a breakup?

No matter how old you are or how many relationships you’ve been in, getting over a breakup can be really hard. Let yourself be sad, angry, and hurt. Cry, listen to sad music, go for a run, write in your journal — whatever helps you get your feelings out.

Friends or family can be a great support system, and talking it out may make you feel a lot better. If nothing seems to help and you’re feeling depressed, you may want to see a counsellor

A few more tips:

Don’t feel like you have to stay friends. It may seem like a way to keep your ex in your life, but it can be really hard to scale a relationship back to a friendship — especially at first. Same goes for being “friends with benefits.”

Making a clean break may be hard to do, but it can help you focus on moving forward. Resist the urge to post bad things about your ex on Facebook or other social media — it can lead to a lot of embarrassment and regret. Finally, try not to feel bad about yourself. Your relationship didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you — or that you’ll never find love again.

So, how do you know if the relationship is over?

Analyzing the good and bad moments can help determine whether your problems are worth working through, or in some cases, if it's time to part ways. Even when you still care about each other, staying together might not be the best choice for either of you. When we're emotionally invested for a long period of time, it can be easier to turn a blind eye to disagreements (even if they happen more often than they used to). It's never simple to consider breaking up with someone you love, but by learning how to recognize when a relationship is over, and preparing yourself to cope afterward, you can determine what's best to move forward.

If you're unsure about what to do, look out for these six key signs that a relationship is over.

1. There's No Emotional Connection

When the spark is gone, it's hard to tell if a relationship is worth saving. One of the key signs your relationship is ending is that you are no longer vulnerable and open with your partner. A cornerstone of happy, healthy ​relationships is that both partners feel comfortable being truly open to sharing thoughts and opinions with one another. We 'hide deeper feelings (from ourselves and from others)…When we find ourselves behaving in ways that aren’t typical, we might need to do a little soul-searching to get a clearer picture of where our attitude is coming from. If you're not sharing what's really on your mind, it might be a sign that you no longer want a deep connection. Similarly, if you've found that the usual fun banter between you is gone—or it's difficult to have engaging conversations—your bond could be getting weaker

2. Physical Intimacy Doesn't Appeal to You Anymore

Sexual desire can sway up and down over the course of a relationship. If you're in a lull and can't seem to get your s*x life back on track, that's not necessarily a sign that the relationship is over. imagining the first time you were intimate with your partner and understanding how the memory makes you feel is a good place to start. If you can get back there in your head—and you like where your mind takes you—then you are probably still s*xually attracted to your partner. On the contrary, if your passion has deflated and you're no longer interested in your partner at all, that could be a problem. A lack of s*xual interest is often a reflection of the health and potential longevity of relationships.

3. It's Hard to Agree on Anything

Another telltale sign you're heading toward a breakup is that you don't see eye-to-eye anymore. When you're dealing with constant disagreements, it can lead to anger on both sides. When fighting is unrelenting, to the point where there are very few minutes of calm, take it seriously. When fighting is unrelenting, to the point where there are very few minutes of calm, take it seriously, Even if it seems strange, not arguing enough can also be a bad sign: Some couples become so exhausted by fighting that they simply stop…They often stop sharing things with each other altogether, and have zero ability to bring up any sort of disagreement. When all you can agree on is that you can't agree on anything, it's an unfortunate indicator of the relationship's future.

4. Someone Else Seems More Appealing

While it's normal to fantasize about other people, desires can be harmful when they minimize the importance of s*x with your partner. Whether you're fixated on your ex, crushing on someone from work, or longing for strangers, it's time to reconsider your feelings.

5. The Trust Is Gone

Whether your partner had an affair or they just simply don't keep promises, trust is hard to rebuild. If you feel like you can't trust the person in your corner, it's a roadblock that prevents any meaningful connection. Trust is the foundation of a committed relationship, and a lack of it hollows out a relationship from the inside. In order to regain it, both partners need to focus not only on trust itself but on the root of problems which led to a breakdown in the first place.

6. Your Goals Don't Align

One of the hardest disconnects to accept in a relationship is when partners want different things. No matter how deeply you care for each other, if you're not planning for the same goals in life, it's difficult to realign your hopes. Sometimes even relationships with a great deal of love can break up because of goals that are totally different, Desires for children, professional dreams, or where you'd like to live are common aspirations that couples struggle with. There can be hope with compromise, but without that, the warning signs are hard to ignore.

23/02/2024

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16/02/2024

15/02/2024

MOST ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT MEDIATION

Who pays for mediation?

Most mediation companies will quote their fees per person per hour or per person per session. This is because in most cases each party will pay for their own fees for the duration of the service. It means that each party then has a vested interest in progressing matters and getting to an agreement.

Some couples will agree that the costs of mediation are taken out of a joint account or savings, or one party will pay upfront and then the costs will be shared as part of the overall financial agreement.

But what if one party cannot or will not pay? In such cases, the other party has three choices:

Maintain the current situation or try to resolve between themselves
Pay for the mediation in full themselves
Apply to the family court for an order

The costs of going to court, with representation by a lawyer or barrister is likely to be far more expensive than the total cost of family mediation and will normally take longer too. So it is something that needs to be carefully weighed up before you apply to court.

In some cases clients feel that the other party should pay for the costs because they are the one to blame, or the one causing the issue to deteriorate. But just as a court will not look to punish or reward for behaviour during a relationship, the mediation service cannot insist that one party pays. And if you cannot agree who will cover the costs, mediation will be unlikely to take place.

Will it be held against me if I do not attend mediation?

Mediation is a voluntary process, and nobody will make you attend against your wishes. If you or the other party do not attend, but it is likely that the court will question why you didn't attend during proceedings.

Can I skip mediation and go straight to court?

You don't have to go to mediation, but if you end up having to go to court to sort out your differences, you normally need to prove you've been to a mediation information and assessment meeting (MIAM). This is an introductory meeting to explain what mediation is and how it might help you.

Can anything said in mediation be used in court?

In mediation all conversations are 'without prejudice' - which means that nothing that's been said at mediation can be used in court, should the dispute go that far.

14/02/2024

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11/02/2024

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08/02/2024

LANDLORD AND TENANT MEDIATION

Mediation can take place when the landlord and tenant agree to try and resolve their issues by talking either face to face, over the phone or teams with a mediator present

Mediation can help with different types of disputes like:

•property standards
•repairs
•entry rights
•unprotected tenancy deposits
•rent or rate arrears
•evictions and threatened evictions
•break of tenancy terms
•noise or anti-social behaviour

08/02/2024

A GUIDE TO FATHERS RIGHTS IN THE UK

When it comes to dealing with family law issues, and fathers rights in particular, UK fathers can sometimes find they have a number of hurdles to overcome. While there have been great improvements in the justice system to give an equal voice to both mums and dads, it still might not quite be where we would want at this moment and there is still work to do.

WHAT RIGHTS DO FATHERS HAVE IN THE UK?

What are my rights as a father? Can the child’s mother keep me from them? These are two of the most complex questions fathers in the UK ask concerning family law. Both parents are responsible for caring for a child and providing them with motherly andFather Son playing fatherly attention. This is meant to ensure children are raised in the best possible conditions.

Under UK family law, neither parent can stop a child from seeing the other parent, unless by a court order. This is dependent on whether the father’s contact with the child puts that child’s safety or well-being at risk. If it’s proven that having contact with the father is detrimental to the child, such contact will not be allowed by the court. The same goes for mothers who may be a risk to their child.

VALID REASONS TO PREVENT FATHERS FROM CONTACTING THEIR CHILD

As it is a child’s right to have a good and loving relationship with both parents, the bar is set quite high as to reasons that a court would use to prevent them from seeing their father. Such examples may be:

• Exposing the child to criminal activity
• Exposing the child to physical, s*xual or emotional abuse or mistreatment
• Exposing the child to violence
• Exposing the child to conditions that block their access to rights, like their right to an education
• Exposing the child to substance abuse
Such examples would need to be proven and the court would need to be convinced that a child was at risk of serious harm, before denying their right to see a parent.

If none of the aforementioned grounds apply, the mother can’t legally keep the father away from the child. That’s because UK law protects the relationship between parents and a child. The key here is that a child has a right to a relationship with both their parents.

UNLIKELY REASONS A COURT WOULD ORDER NO CONTACT BETWEEN A CHILD AND A FATHER

These are some examples of when a court would be less likely to order no contact between a child and their father. The list is not exhaustive.

1. BEING UNPUNCTUAL WHEN PICKING UP OR RETURNING THE CHILD

Punctuality is important when collecting and returning a child to the other parent. It helps build trust and gives the child certainty and consistency. But we know that life and circumstances can change. Repeatedly being late to collect your child or dropping them off later than agreed shows a lack of respect for the other parent and the child. But in itself would not be a reason for a court to deny contact.

2. REFUSING OR FAILING TO PROVIDE CHILD SUPPORT

The areas of law that cover child maintenance and child arrangements are two completely separate areas. Once again, children have a legal right to have contact with both parents, including their father, even if he doesn’t pay child support or is behind with his payment. A court would take a dim view if the child was being punished because the father is not paying child support.

3. ARGUING

The parenting relationship between yourselves and the relationship you have with the child are separate matters. Ideally, you would work together as parents in the child’s best interests, but if this is not possible, you can keep a handover book or use a parenting app to help you communicate. You should not let your poor relationship with the other parent deny the rights of the child to enjoy a good relationship with both their mum and dad.

4. THE FATHER HAS A NEW PARTNER

A court is unlikely to withhold or order no contact because you have a new partner. As long as that partner is not a serious risk to the child (see above for examples of serious risks), then one parent cannot stop the other from seeing their child and introducing them to any new partner.

5. THE CHILD IS REFUSING TO SEE THEIR FATHER

This is always a difficult area and much of it will depend on the age of a child and the reasons for not wanting to see their dad. At a young age, under 8 years of age, a court may consider that a child is too young to make their own, informed decision on such a situation. As they get older, and certainly from the age of 12 plus, the child’s wishes are paramount. It is their decision to see their parents after all. Ideally, parents will work together to try to understand why the child does not wish to see their father and work out a plan to improve it.

WHAT ARE THE RIGHTS OF UNMARRIED FATHERS IN THE UK?

Unmarried fathers can experience confusion or frustration when it comes to their rights in matters of family law. In the UK, the mother has automatic parental responsibility for the child. The biological father has automatic parental responsibility if they are named on the birth certificate (or if they married at the time of birth). If they are not named on the birth certificate, they can then acquire parental responsibility in a number of ways. Just to be clear, parental responsibility gives the parent certain responsibilities to look after the child, such as making decisions on their health, education, and where they live.

FATHERS CAN ACHIEVE PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY IN THE FOLLOWING CIRCUMSTANCES:

• A family court grants it – by granting a parental responsibility order (or another type of order) that states the father has parental responsibility. Such orders will usually be granted unless extreme circumstances apply.
• Both parents agree to it. If the mother and the father agree, they can jointly apply to the court for parental responsibility.
• Both parents registered the child’s birth on the birth certificate. If the birth was jointly registered by both parents, the unmarried father has parental responsibility. This is only valid if the child was born after December 1st, 2003.
If you’re an unmarried father and none of these circumstances apply to you, it’s likely you don’t have automatic parental responsibility. That means you have fewer rights when it comes to your child. The mother will be able to make most of the decisions about the child’s upbringing and she won’t need to consult with you or ask for your consent. In order to apply for a child arrangements order through the courts, you would need to ask permission from the court, or apply for parental responsibility at the same time.

DOES PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY MEAN I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SEE MY CHILD?

Many people assume that when you have parental responsibility, it also means that you have the right to access the child. However, that’s not always the case, especially if the parents are separated and the child lives with one of them. When parents separate, they should ideally decide together where the child will stay and when.

If parents don’t agree, the next logical step is to engage in family mediation with a family mediator.

Parental responsibility in itself does not grant you any rights to see your child. The child has a right to see both their parents and parental responsibility means you need to make important decisions in the best interests of the child.

WHAT IS CONSIDERED REASONABLE ACCESS TO A CHILD?

“Reasonable access” is quite a general term, so the meaning varies from family to family. It is not a recognised legal term. It’s not
up to the court to determine what reasonable access means because each family is different. Each family, each child, and each situation is different. The law is deliberately flexible on this to accommodate every child’s needs.

Ideally, the arrangements will be agreed upon between the parents themselves, or through family mediation. When a child is spending time with their father, a court would expect that:

• The child can enjoy the agreed times with their father
• The child can enjoy activities of the father’s choosing
• Be free from the other parent’s control during this time with their father
• Spend the agreed time with their father, without interference from the other parent.
Many factors can impact arrangements, such as the age of the child, whether they are being breastfed, their school commitments, and ultimately the child’s wishes, hopes, and feelings.

WHAT CAN I EXPECT IF THINGS GO TO COURT?

The most important thing to remember is that the courts prioritise the best interests of the child. That is their duty and they are acting on behalf of the child. If you go to court, you are doing so to enforce the right of your child to see their father. Not the other way around. It’s an important difference.

If the court agrees that it is in a child’s best interest for them to make an order, then this order may cover:

• Providing duration of any arrangements. The court can determine whether overnight stays are granted or assign a number of allotted hours to spend with their father.
• Providing times of arrangements. This determines whether a child sees their father on weekends, school holidays, special occasions, etc.
• Providing terms of arrangements. This clarifies whether the arrangements will be supervised or unsupervised and whether it will happen at home or another designated place.
• Providing the type of arrangements. This determines if the arrangements can be physical or limited to sending letters and emails or facetime/video calling.

Neither a mother nor a father has any automatic rights when it comes to seeing their child. Instead, the child has a right to a good and loving relationship with both parents. The parents need to agree on how this will work in practice and ideally adapt and keep it flexible in the best interests of their child.

If this is not possible – and it should always be kept open as an option, then the next step is to try family mediation. There are 11 methods in total to reach an agreement, but if you do have to go to court, the court will only make a child arrangements order if they believe it is in the interests of the child to do so. It is very rare that a no-contact order is made.

07/02/2024

Family mediation is a process in which an independent, professionally trained mediator helps you work out arrangements for children and finances following separation.

Mediation can also be helpful when arrangements you’ve made before need to change, particularly as your children grow up.

Mediation helps you stay in control. No-one will make you do anything against your wishes.

The mediator will help you find a solution which works for you both and will explain what needs to happen to make an agreement between you legally binding.

FMC Registered Mediators have helped hundreds of thousands of families to agree on financial arrangements after separation, and to find a way to parent their children co-operatively after separation.

The process is less stressful and significantly quicker than going to court, and can save you money. Legal aid is available if you are financially eligible.

Mediators work with separating couples in ways that are flexible and tailor-made for your situation. You do not have to be in the same space as your ex if you or the mediator decides that working with you in separate spaces would be preferable.

05/02/2024

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05/02/2024

Hello Everyone! Welcome to my new page!

Mediation can help settle disputes between businesses or individuals. With my commercial mediation online, if you are not in a position to negotiate fairly, for example, a mediator can help to restore balance, giving you the chance to put your case confidently and without fear. Mediation can be for all kinds of dispute, including financial disputes, family disputes, landlord disputes, disputes involving personal injury, property, negligence, or guardianship. This is usually done before court as a cheaper and less stressful alternative. Please contact me for more information.